Holding Everything

Chapter 14: Fear and Growth

Lillya

"Bye!!" I yell up towards Kou's room, no response, "okay then?" I mutter under my breath as I lock and close his front door, "I guess he crashed as soon as Eren and Rika left." As I walk home from Kou's house, Eren's calming words echo through my mind, "'just stick with us and we'll protect you', huh? Is it really okay to just accept those words from him?" I ask myself as the street lamps light my way home; going home is still a battle, "will dad be there? Will I be scolded for staying out so late? What's to come once I walk through the front door?" these worries circle through my mind with each step, making the fear that creeps through me feel all the more powerful. My fingers tighten around my purse strap; I inhale deeply, and exhale slowly; calming myself down and pushing those worries out of my mind, "he isn't there anymore." I say to myself as I step up to the front door, "oh no what now? I'm already home! Why does Kou have to live as close as he does?!" I sigh heavily, knowing I wasn't quite ready to be home yet even though I just calmed myself down. The door opens just as I'm about to put the key in the lock and mom stares back at me with an uneasy stare, that softens a moment after we make eye contact.

"Mom!"

"Lillya; sweetie!"

Mom steps out of the way and lets me in, glancing around outside before shutting and locking the door behind me.

"You were out so late, I began to worry; it's a relief your father isn't home or he'd be really upset with the both of us. Dinner is ready and on the table, don't forget to shower, then study and homework, then for an hour before bed do your exercises, I'm not sure what time your father will be back tonight. Strange, he'd usually call but you know how it is, we shouldn't pester him about it, just be grateful when he finally returns, haha!" She laughs and continues on with the illusion that father will return and I simply nod along and eat my dinner.

When going through the introduction to being a Handler, I learned that when a target dies, their entire existence will be as if it didn't happen, so by that logic, I shouldn't even have a father. "Is it because I'm a supposed Handler and he was my dad that his existence is still known, sort of?" I wonder, thinking back to my earlier panic when I was worried about being punished, "this is totally different; I know he's dead, but mom doesn't, I need to get a hold of Kou somehow and figure this out." As I finish the last bits of food on my plate, I rinse it off and place it in the dishwasher.

"I'll be staying late tomorrow; I have important things to take care of at school since the weekend is coming up."

"Alright sweetie, just make sure you bring signed teachers notes so your father doesn't think you were just playing around." She says as she clears her plate and begins cleaning up the kitchen.

"Got it." As I walk to my room, I mentally apologize to mom for lying, knowing that it no longer matters whether something upsets him since he's gone now. I look into the mirror and notice my expression is showing a face of worry. "My mind must still be scared of getting in trouble," I sigh, "I hope Rika's okay, she ran into the house and then ran out with Eren in such a hurry." I strip down and grab my robe and towel and head to the bathroom; dads toiletries are still neatly placed in his spot on the counter, and his shelf in the shower, "I really need to talk to Kou soon, I have no idea how I'm supposed to tell mom that he's gone, everything is so confusing since the information I received contradicts what's actually happening."

After my shower I return to my room, dry off, get dressed and begin my homework for the day, halfway through the second question my mind begins to wonder and before I know it I'm laying down next to my desk, staring up at my ceiling; Eren's words still going through my mind. I sit up, sighing and running my fingers through my hair as I feel the conflict in my heart, "I don't like the idea of depending on someone, yet when he told me that, I felt-"

"Lillya honey, you need to do your stretches soon or you won't be heading to bed until passed midnight," Says mom through my door, interrupting my train of thought.

"Yes ma'am I'll be done soon, I had a lot more than usual today." Damn, another lie; I begin to feel guilty, hoping the lies won't continue increasing all because dad isn't here, "mom had it rough too, I shouldn't worry her needlessly." I mumble, trying to convince myself my lies have purpose. I play my CD that I do my stretches and exercises too, and continue laying on the ground, my mind still wondering.

Red.

Red.

Red.

I gasp; sitting up fast after my heart thumps hard in my chest, the black beneath my eyelids flashed Red 3 times just a moment ago. My body feels restless, throbbing all over as my mind races. I look out the window to see if something happened to suddenly make me see red under my eyes while they were closed, nothing, the night is dark, silent and still; nothing disturbing its peace.

My body is pulled down and I'm pinned to the ground, I feel a hand on my chest and a female figure slowly rises from below me as if the floor isn't there. Dark red eyes burn holes into me, as if planning to slowly kill me and watch me beg for mercy.

"Wh-who are you?!"

A wide grin appears on this person's face as if she was happy I asked.

"My name...is Mo, I'm a Runner; and unfortunately for you, your time is up and you are my next target." She laughs menacingly, completely enjoying her superiority over me, a gooey substance forms in her hands and shape shifts into a large club with spikes protruding from its body, she hoists it up and lets it fall on her shoulder as she stands up, places her foot on my chest and prepares for the Hunt.

She smirks and utters one more line before lifting the club, "if only they were here to protect you."