Holding Everything

Chapter 13: Indecisive

"K-kill your father, why?!" I lean forward suddenly, causing a shooting pain to course through my head, reminding me of just how much pain I'm in.

"Let me explain, I don't mean really kill him, just set it up to make it look like it, and then somehow point the fault at Merila. Now that's just the basic plan, but this plan would be to expose my Aunt, and force her to keep her mouth shut for the rest of her life, and leave Rika alone." Eren explains, emphasizing just how much good would come out of this.

"Why does she have this grudge against her?" I ask.

"It's actually against me, but because she knows my priority is keeping Rika safe, she uses that to her advantage. People often target us because we're the illegitimate heirs to the Head. Some believe Rika should be since she's the eldest, and others believe neither of us should be the heir because we're the kids of the second eldest. Due to family circumstances, I am the heir, which makes us both targets. Basically the only people on our side are father and grandfather, but their siblings even shun him for dishonoring traditions and taking the head from Merila."

"Are you asking for my help because I'm the Natural Handler, so you trust me?" I ask, narrowing my eyes slightly, "Does he trust me or am I just a convenience?" I think to myself.

"I believe you, Rika, Lil, father and grandfather are my only allies right now, father and grandfather wouldn't approve of me plotting something like this though so it's really only strictly between us Handlers, but because you're the leader of us, I needed to know if you'd help me before I make any preparations."

I feel happy that even if I am convenient help, he actually trusts me to help him as well. I knew nothing about him and yet he jumped to my side during his Handler introductory, and he willingly let me see for myself the kind of past he had a year ago. "I wonder if it's his trust in me that allows him to willfully connect our minds the way he did." I ponder the thought that Eren may have information about me since his family runs the 'assassin-like' business, and found through research that I was trustworthy enough for him, "whatever the reason, I feel like he does trust me and isn't just using me."

"I also think if you help us with this, that Rika will make her decision to become your Handler, her and I grew up not trusting many people, only a select few, she is more cautious of others than me even towards people we simply walk past, it makes her come off as really shy but in reality, she's quite gruesome, at least, she used to be." His expression shifts and he looks like he is remembering some unpleasant things, then a thought crosses through my head.

"What were those capsules that your Aunt trapped both of you in, she even said that she'd 'teach you a lesson' or whatever; sounded creepy." He takes a moment to answer, as if to ponder whether it's okay to tell me.

"They feed you a substance that forces you to experience tragic nightmares of some of your worst fears, not anything like fear of water or heights; it's much more than that. It's one of our family's punishment methods for those who cannot have visible scars such as celebrities or anyone like that. The worst part is, whatever Rika saw in that nightmare, she hasn't recovered, even from a year ago, that's why her personality is no longer the intimidating she-devil like she was. She won't tell me, and I can't figure it out, it worries me to see her like that, but I noticed how she would be calm around you and can revert back to her normal self comfortably; so that's the main reason I thought it would be okay to trust you to help me."

I begin to suspect something, "wait, are you saying that you want me to go into Rika's subconscious like I did with Lil, and see this nightmare?" I ask straight out.

"I'm sorry if you feel it would be wrong but I feel like whatever it is it's holding her back from being happy. Our lives are already pretty messed up as it is, and I truly believe this burden is the main thing keeping things this bad. Please do this for me, Kou; you said it yourself in my head, that you really wanted to protect her, right?"

"Well, yes but-""

"Well this is how you can do it!" he cuts me off and stares at me with unwavering eyes before closing them.

At this point, he's hands are balled into fists resting on top of his knees; his eyes squeezed shut as he pleads for my help. I don't particularly have a problem with helping him, I was prepared from the start to do what I must at any cost to help Eren and Rika; but I only have one concern right now.

"What if it turns out like Lil, where the help backfires and I end up screwing things up, I really made things worse for Lil and the only reason it worked out like it did is because you were there to reassure her. I couldn't say anything to make it better; I don't want to make the same mistake with Rika. If she doesn't even want you seeing a nightmare like that, what makes you so sure she'd be okay with me? The last thing I want to do is peek into her head without her permission like I did with Lil." He looks at me then looks down, knowing everything I'm saying make sense and I have every reason to think and feel the way I do, he sighs in defeat and stands.

"I'll get her permission then, would you feel better that way?"

"Why would she allow it?"

We hear the door open and Rika steps in; dressed in a knee-length frilly dress of different dark colors.

"I do not allow it." She says sternly, making it clear what her decision was, "Please just trust that my plan will work, Eren. Father already believes it, all we have to do wait for him to write the official decree!"

Eren hastily walks over to Rika, grabbing her by the shoulders and speaking in a tone I've never heard from him towards his sister.

"We need to have something more concrete, Rika! I can't rely on such an unreliable plan, not only that, that plan will just tie us to this family even more, don't you want to be free of all this?" Eren's tone went from stern to pleading, as if desperately trying to veer towards a different plan, Rika looks unconvinced by his words.

"What plan are you talking about?" I chime in, realizing I am not up to speed with the current conversation. They exchange a glance toward one another, Eren nods and Rika walks over to the side of the bed, smiling softly.

"MY plan was for Eren and me to marry."