Girl of Never (Chat MD Series #4)

Day 355

TCWDM : Unread by Jianna

(Neah's email)

MON, July 24
|Inbox |

Harry Lastimosa to me
Jul 24

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Dearest Neah,

It was almost three years since you left. Since my last letter to you, pinanood ko yung huling video na ini-record mo para sakin, nakita ko yung STU post na ibinilin mo kay Admin Jha, natanggap ko yung engagement ring na ipinadala mo kay Dr. Hughes para ibalik sakin… at umiyak ako uli para sayo.

For months now, I've rounded the places we once been. To the hospital in Stanford where I saw you again after separating from college; sa mga favorite restaurants mo; sa mga parks na pinapasyalan natin; sa STU.

I visited your hospital room where I saw you lying on your bed, pale and stone-cold, while wearing your favorite red dress. I stood on the same spot I stood before, when I came rushing to you… only to see you gone.

I went back to those places remembering everything about you.

I went back to those places retracing our story. I went back to weep and mourn properly.

Ang dami kong naging pangarap para sa ating dalawa. Ang dami kong gustong gawin para sayo. Kaya hindi madaling tanggapin nung nawala ka. No one could prepare me from the pain of losing you.

Bawat araw noon na pakiramdam ko mawawala ka na sakin, umaatungal ako kay JT. Nagrereklamo sa sakit. Nagagalit sa takot. Nagwawala. Gusto kong idugtong ang hininga ko sa hininga mo, pero hindi pwede.

Ang hirap mong bitawan kasi sanay akong mahalin ka, isipin ka, at pangarapin ka.

Ang hirap tanggapin na hindi ka Niya ibinigay sakin. Na nawala ka. Binawi ka lang nang ganun lang.

Pano ko tatanggapin? Bakit ko kailangang tanggapin?

For years, I was lost.

But watching your farewell video gave me strength. You've been very brave. You've been very beautiful.

I wish I have loved you enough when you were here. I wish I really made you happy. Now that you're free from your disease, I wish that you could breathe properly up there.

Thank you for giving me a brave and colorful first love. Thank you for taking care of me and for worrying about me even after you're gone. Thank you for all the No that we both know meant Yes.

Thank you for being exactly as you were.

Thank you for watching over me.

Thank you for all the love.

I will always, always remember you.

You can rest now, Jineah. Don't worry about me anymore.

When I meet you again in the afterlife, I will tell you all about this life after you.

Your 270th No,
Harry

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