"I let waves of insults crash down on me, feeling myself drawing closer to an attack and then, it stops and the room is dead silent."
{Ryan is sent to a mental hospital and falls in love with not one, but two boys, which always leads to trouble. But...
A/N The description makes more sense when you read the rest of the book also play the song⬆ as you read(:
TRIGGER WARNING (self harm, depression, and a suicide attempt also vulgar language..)
~Ryan Pov~ I sat in the corner of my room examining the padded walls and floor. I barely remember being brought to this place but bits of the memory seem to pop up occasionally. I remember the look on my face when my mom told me I'd be going away.
To get better, but everything and everyone here made my skin crawl and my blood run cold. I'd only been here for 3 days and the doctors had already shoved pill after pill down my throat.
I didn't eat. I couldn't. Everytime I tried the faces of a specific patient dug its way into my brain. It haunted me ever since I had took my first glance outside the little window. A woman's face met with mine making me jump back in fear. She had deep sunken eyes with heavy bags underneath them. Her teeth had been pulled out and rotten to the gums. She smiled at me exposing the rotten gums before banging on the window and running down the hall.
A few seconds later I heard more footsteps and a voice shout "Hey come back here!" My heart sped up as I beat on the padded walls "Why did you bring me here" I scream to the walls thinking of my mom. She was always the kind of person to ignore the bad side of things until they could no longer be ignored. It took her two years to finally realize that I'm not okay and I probably never will be. You see, It had been four years since my dad died.
I was only 12 when it happened. I didn't cry at the funeral. I didn't cry at the hospital. Jesus I didn't even shed a tear when I saw my mom shaking and crying on the floor the day after he had passed.
But then a year later it had hit me. He was gone and never coming back. I cried myself to sleep that night and the nights to come after that. Everything reminded me of him. My pictures. My lyrics. My hair. EVERYTHING. I felt my heart shatter the day I found the letter he had wrote me before he passed. Telling me to carry on no matter what happened to him. That night was one of the worst nights. I cried so hard I vomited twice. I couldn't stop. The pain was too much every part of my body ached. I stopped eating and sleeping. A few weeks later I started to cut. Little by little they got deeper and longer.
November 26th the day after thanksgiving, was my first suicide attempt. My mom found me bleeding out on the bathroom floor. Now here I am after 4 days in the hospital I end up here in this dump.
I lay there on my bed until I hear my door unlock. I look up and see a younger boy around my age. He smiles at me before explaining why he was here in my room. "Hi, I'm Josh and I'll be taking you to your meetings today." I sighed and stood up. He was a bit shorter than me and had the nicest hair I'd ever seen. It was partly wild and a deep orange. It complimented his skin to well. "Okay" I replied quietly trying not to show how my eyes wandered up and down his body. We walked down a long hall a little small talk. I now knew that he had been volunteering here so he could visit his friend, skyler or something like that but his friend wasn't around anymore and that he played drums. He says something else but I zone out and focus on the way he moves. Everytime he speaks he rubs his hands together and his eyes dart around, as if he's afraid he might say something wrong.
He stops walking and opens two white padded doors.
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