Animal Magnetism [Chris Evans]

Chapter 31

Chris

All at once it feels like forever since I heard her voice and only yesterday since I felt her body pressed against me. The truth is it's close to eleven long months of almost straight filming and this five days back home in New York is long overdue.
Thanksgiving was far too short a break, as was Christmas, but both gave me much needed family time -- the only thing that could make me feel remotely better. I wish they all could have met Amelia, without a shadow of a doubt I know they'd love her as much as I do.
Around Easter there were a few weeks where I had hope, being called in for an audition for another film being shot in Australia. This time it was solely in Queensland, but I knew we could make that work.
"It's perfect," I told Scott. "Early next year, I could probably spend Christmas there."
"And then? When you're done?"
"We'll sort something out."
"Chris, I know you miss her and you're hurting, but taking another job simply based on the location is a really bad idea. And you'd only have to say goodbye all over again. Not to mention you already have something booked!"
"I can't knock back something that puts me so close to her."
The opportunity to see her again, to kiss her and hold her and wake up beside her, had an overwhelming appeal.
"What if she's moved on? You made her promise to. You agreed not to talk, you don't know what she's up to."
I wanted to knock him out for suggesting it, but eventually I realised he had a point. Making the call to cancel the audition was painfully final, as though I was actually giving up on us being able to find a way.

From that day until now I focused on work, keeping my head down and my free time filled with social gatherings as much as possible. Now I'm slowing down for the first time, dipping my toe back into reality and hoping it doesn't try to drown me all over again. Having time to think and feel brings it all back to the surface, as raw as if my heart was ripped to shreds just yesterday. Pushing it aside has only made the torment grow like a cancer and eat away at my soul so that I feel empty and brittle. Now I have no choice but to grieve it and heal; or wither away completely.
A walk around the city is always a good start, and with the beginning of Fall the trees have begun to turn that gorgeous amber that heralds the approach of all the best times of the year -- Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. Golden light filters through the spattering of clouds above me as I walk beside a street full of crawling traffic, horns blasting and startling me out of my reverie. I stop for a few seconds and look up at my old apartment building, the one I lived in when I first moved here as a wide eyed and naive kid. It brings back fond memories of partying and innocence, less weight on my shoulders and a time when the clock wasn't ticking quite so loud.
The back of my neck prickles like people say happens before you get struck by lightning, like something is right up behind me. It's powerful enough that my reflex is to get closer to the ground; I spin on my heel and look around but there's nothing there, no one within a few feet of me except for the people in cabs going nowhere in a hurry. But I can't shake it, the feeling I should be able to see something obvious or important, right in front of my face.
Just as the cars begin to move a toffee-coloured ponytail catches my eye, pulled over the shoulder of a heavy coat and toyed with my delicate fingers. I try to catch it to prove my eyes are playing tricks on me but they move away too quickly and I narrowly avoid being hit by another bright yellow cab while trying to cross a busy intersection in pursuit.
It can't be her, there's no way she'd be in New York and not tell me. Unless she's moved on and doesn't want to see me. The seed of doubt in the back of my mind starts to unfurl its spindly brown leaves; maybe she doesn't miss me at all.

Sebastian and I have been working together all this time but it feels like we've barely had a chance to talk until now; I haven't been ready to be honest about it and he's got his own stuff going on. My apartment is cold and lonely, showing the emptiness of me being away so long and in stark contrast to Seb's with its affectionate photographs on every shelf and lingering feminine scents.
"God, you really like to slap people in the face with your adorable couple-ness, don't you?" I laugh. The main feature of their living room is a massive canvas print from their wedding, a beautiful candid moment of intimate laughter.
"Well, yeah. Gotta put the perfect image out there."
"Is everything ok with you guys?"
"Honestly? I dunno. I love her, and I miss her so much. We never see each other, we just sort of pass by long enough to do laundry and pack a bag and one of us is gone again. Of course we find plenty of time to argue about stupid shit."
"Sorry, dude." I pour him a drink and clink our glasses together.
"Have you called her yet?" he asks with a smirk.
"No. I want to, but I want her to miss me."
"So if you knew she was as miserable as your sorry ass you'd call her in a second, but if she's moved on and happy you don't want to know?"
"No, I... kind of. Yeah."
"Cheers," he says as he raises his glass. "We're screwed with 'em and equally screwed without 'em."
"Aren't we just a little ray of sunshine?" I laugh. "People do long distance, right? It can work."
"I don't know about that much distance. Australia's not exactly a couple hours' drive."
"It's beautiful, though. I could absolutely live there."
"You'd never really 'live' there though, you'd just have your stuff there. You'd come home to her once in a blue moon, have the fantastic sex and the explosive yelling at each other and go off to the next thing."
"We still talking about me?"
"Mostly."
"Hemsworth does it."
"Elsa and the kids can travel with him, though. If she's not prepared to give up her job for a while you're boned. And even if she is she'll end up resenting you because she gave up her career to follow you around."
"You want the number for my therapist?"
"Shut up."
"I'd make it work if she asked me to. God, she was something else."
"I've never heard you talk about a chick like this before."
"I've never met one like this before."
By the time I drag my tipsy self home all that talking about her has left me with an ache in my chest and an ache in my groin to go with it. As I step into a warm shower my dick is painfully hard. My mind might be replaying the little things -- the touch of her hand on mine, her sweet kisses and tender fingertips, her body relinquished to me when I made love to her -- but my cock has its own memories.
The delicate drag of her nails on my balls, her gentle fingers stroking the forbidden path between them and back to the ring of sensitive puckered skin while she watched my face contort in bliss. A fist closing around the base of my shaft and sliding my foreskin up over the tip, rubbing her thumb over the precum and sucking it off. The delectable warmth of her mouth as her lips closed around me, slipping down and tonguing the bundle of nerves beneath the head until I tangled a hand in her hair and moaned for more.
She never disappointed, teasing me to insanity with her hands and mouth until I erupted down her throat and into her belly, and now as I stroke with my hand it remembers the sensation like it was yesterday. My head rests back against the cold tiles, eyes closed and mouth open, a sad, soft moan drawn from my throat. On her knees at my feet the water makes her hair flow down her milky back like a golden silk curtain, her sea green eyes watching with delight as her plump lips suck at my crown and her fist jerks toward the base. As the first droplet hits her tongue she takes me in and swallows, drawing a powerful orgasm from me until every last drip slides down her throat.
My legs quiver and threaten to buckle, the final threads disappearing down the drain as I shut off the water and dry off alone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You can't pass up an opportunity to visit Disneyland. You just. Can not.
When they asked us to do a brief appearance in early December it was terrible timing. We're trying to wrap up filming before Christmas and it's fallen behind because -- surprise, surprise -- shooting two films at once is actually quite a bit more involved than just allowing twice as much time.
But, the children. Actually -- and more importantly -- the stakeholders and their children. And then there are nephews and nieces to consider, of course their parents, and mom and Scott have to come along, and suddenly it's just a regular family trip to Disneyland with a little bit of work in the middle.
I needed this. Twelve months on and a few days break to grieve I'm starting to feel back in control, like the piece of myself I left in Sydney is one I can live without rather than my entire heart. I can appreciate the time we spent together, that we were blessed with a beautiful few months of love that might not have worked out in the long term, that we parted on good terms and one day soon we might be able to talk again.
I'm calling Amelia for Christmas this year. I've waited until I feel I can handle her telling me whatever might have happened since I left that day even if it means hearing she's in love again. I honestly believe I could be happy for her now, even if it were tinged with despair that our chance has passed. At least I could fake it.
That awful day will never disappear from my memory. I held it together as I blew her kisses through the window and reached the end of her street but as soon as the ocean was in sight the tears fell hard and fast. Gavin politely ignored my blubbering, offering me a firm handshake and his condolences when we parted at the airport after a suitable amount of time to collect the last shred of my dignity from the floor.
Hela must sense my reminiscing because she lays her head on my thigh for a scratch and picks up my mood as only she can. Never before have I so deeply appreciated being a VIP at the Disney resort, but being able to have her with me is a priceless privilege. Tomorrow while we're at the park she'll get some VIP treatment of her own; a good long walk and a hydrobath and blowdry from doggy daycare just down the street. She's my unwavering companion and ever-present shadow, taking the chaos of a film set in her stride just as she does the cross-country flights.
Scott knocks on the door and I look at my watch with a frown, grumbling on the way to open it.
"You're early, the gates don't even open for another two hours."
"I know, but they want to run through some stuff for tomorrow. I thought we'd get it out of the way and then everyone else will join us. Let's go."
"Scott, I'm not dressed!"
"Well get dressed, and if you're a good boy I have a surprise."
"What about Hela?"
"Bring her, there won't be anyone else in the park yet. We'll drop her back here when we're done."
I'm still yawning as he ushers me toward the gates where a guide escorts us through. Hela is bouncing all over the place with excitement and seems to have forgotten every bit of training we've worked on, including walking on a leash without dragging me all over the place. Granted, she's a teeny little dog and not a genuine threat to my balance, but it's annoying as hell.
"What is up with you?" I growl. "Chill out!"
"They say dogs know when something big is about to happen, maybe she's trying to alert you."
"You mean we're about to have an earthquake or something?"
"Not really what I meant, no." He has this weird sort of smirk like he knows something I don't. Then again Scott often has that look and after years of uncomfortable conversations I've learned it's better not to ask.
The further we walk the more excited Hela becomes until she takes off so suddenly she rips the end of the lead from my hand. As I break into a run to chase her I look up and see the cafe ahead of us is already open with tables and chairs outside, with a woman sitting at one of them. She hears the scrape of Hela's claws and looks up, a bright smile spreading across her face as she stands from the chair and then bends down to ruffle her ears.
She looks up and around, that toffee hair flicking over her shoulder and falling around her face. Her sparkling eyes find mine and my heart skips a beat.
It can't be.
She rises to her full height and greets me with outstretched hands, running her smooth delicate thumbs over my knuckles as I gently lay my palms in hers, almost afraid that if I rest their weight there they'll fall right through.
"How?" is all I can say, all I can think. My mind is racing but it can't make sense of anything around me. She laughs a melodious laugh that lights up her face, but there are tears welling in her eyes. I take her face in my hands and examine it like she might disappear, making sure I can't see through her and she's not some sort of mirage. To be sure she's solid I rest my forehead on hers and breathe in her scent, her perfume, her shampoo. Eau d'Amelia. "It's really you."
"It's really me. I missed you so much, Boston."
"Oh god," I choke. "Amelia. I missed you, too. What are you doing here?"
She swipes the salty rivulets from my cheeks, her emerald eyes scrutinizing my face and her tongue flicking out to wet her pink lips.
"I'll explain later. Just kiss me."
Even if this is a dream and I'm about to wake up; even if it breaks my heart all over again; even if she's a shapeshifter and Hela's out-of-character excited barking is actually a warning...
I could never say no.