Innocent | k.t.h

Grievance

I woke up to find myself back in my room, at home.

Who brought me home?

Glancing around, I heard whimpers from the other room directly in front of mine.

Trying to stand up, I fell back down because my legs felt numb.

Why can't I walk?

Panicking, I climbed out of my bed and crawled on the ground.

My legs felt useless, I couldn't move them at all or feel them.

Crawling to the door, I tried to open it but failed.

It wasn't because I was so short and that on the ground, I appeared like an ant, I just couldn't reach for the doorknob that seemed to be so far away from me.

Struggling to push myself up into a "yoga" pose, I lifted my hands on the ground which lifted my upper body off the ground, giving me a chance to reach for the doorknob.

Turning it quickly, it unlocked and now I had a new problem.

Trying to push myself back while holding onto the door, it took at least a few minutes to be able to move back while try laying on the carpet.

As I was able to push myself halfway to the door, I began to hear sobs.

Looking to my right, I looked up to find that they were coming from Jaeyong's room.

But, it wasn't him that was crying, it was a female voice.

Haneul.

I started to move quickly to the room, at the same time I realized that I looked like a snake that just spotted its prey.

Knocking repeatedly on the door, I tried to open it but then again, all of my strength left me from that incident in my room.

"Why must I be so out of shape?" I cursed myself as I desperately tried to pull my upper body up.

Finally, the door swung open, making me stumble in the process from how quick it happened.

"Haera." Haneul spoke while wiping away her tears.

"Why are you crying?" I spoke while awkwardly looking up at her form, not sure what to do or what to think.

"J-Jaeyong." She stuttered as she broke into my tears.

"W-What's wrong with Jaeyong?" I started to feel uneasy at the situation.

"L-Look." She pointed to his bed and I saw him lying.

Haneul helped me up but I kept falling due to not being able to feel my legs, still not sure why I could not.

She held onto me and guided me to his bed, where he lay with his eyes closed.

"He's sleeping, nothing's wrong." I spoke confused as I looked at him and back at Haneul.

"C-Check his pulse." She looked away as more tears streamed down her face.

Confused, I put my fingers over his side neck, checking his pulse.

My heart stopped.

Everything shattered around me.

He didn't have a pulse.

He wasn't breathing.

He was dead.

My knees buckled as I fell onto the cold carpet beneath Haneul's arms

I let out a wail as I stared down at the carpet and cupped my hands on my eyes.

Why does this have to happen to me?

I've already lost my parents,

And now my younger brother.

"Hae-ah, please be strong for Jaeyong. He wouldn't want to see you break down like this." Haneul sat down eye level.

"What about you? You're more of a emotional wreck than me." I mumbled as more tears streamed down my face.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. But you, won't. When eomma and appa died, you handled it the worst. Just please, watch yourself and please do not do anything stupid."

"Like what? Grieving over people that I loved is stupid?" I spat.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! You cut yourself and stopped eating for months." She yelled back.

Quieting, I stopped looking at her and continued to stare at the ground.

Haneul sighed as she patted my back.

"Just stay strong okay? Jaeyong is in a better place now with eomma and appa."

I hope he is.