Nobody

Chapter One

(Unedited)

"Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die."

"To be or not to be - that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them. To die - to sleep." I was standing on the edge of my apartment building's roof, thinking about how easy it would be to end it all there. I looked down the ten story drop and felt oddly happy about being all the way up here. Probably just one of my "symptoms." "Elevated levels of euphoria", as my therapist described it. He says I'm bipolar, schizophrenic, and that I have like 3 personalities besides my own. He also says that I have frequent suicidal tendencies. I keep trying to tell him that I don't, I just have a fascination with death. I'm curious to see what it would feel like to die. But, that's not the point of this. Oh, gosh. I've told you pretty much everything interesting about me except for my name. My name is Winter Gwendolyn Blakewell, but most people call me Nobody.

Ha ha, I'm kidding of course. People call me Winter, that is whenever people actually do talk to me. I wouldn't call myself the best of company, but I don't happen to think I'm truly horrible. I also wouldn't say I'm all the ugly either. Then again, I could be wrong, mirrors lie to you. What I have seen is that I am about 5'9", with blue hair, tan skin, and I think I have green eyes. You will almost always see me in black jeans and a large black hoodie with the hood up. My hair is so curly and thick that it always covers the right side of my face. I can hear my mom calling me from the doorway to the roof. I also hear the sirens as the fire truck and ambulance pulls up below me on the street. I hate having to go to crisis.

"Hey Mom. Do I have to go to crisis? I was just looking at the view." I say as walk over to where she currently stands. As I walk closer, I can see her nodding her head. "FUCK. WHY. Why can no one ever just believe me?" As my mother scolds my use of vulgar language, I slam my fist into the wall of the door. When I bring it back there's blood dripping down. I walk down and get "greeted" by what I call the medical swat team. I hop on the gurnee and let them take me into the ambulance.

As we exit the building, my neighbors all sigh as they realize it's just me. This is the kind of thing that people deal with being around me. Constant yelling, ambulances, and worrying for my safety. That's one of the major reasons I don't have many, or truly any, friends. I wave goodbye to my mom as they close the doors to the ambulance because I know that she won't visit me at the hospital. The only people who actually visit me are my therapist and my big brother Jaden. Our dad walked out when I was still a newborn. I never knew him and I hate him every day for leaving my mom to take care of me and Jaden.

Jessica ,(the paramedic, I've been in this ambulance so much we are acquaintances) started taking my vitals and asking me questions about why I was up there. But I wasn't there. I was having a break from reality as my therapist would call it. I was thinking about how good my life might have been if my dad had never walked out on us. I think about what would happen if I ever met him, knowing he left. I would kill him. I would kill him ten times over if I could, because he's the reason I'm not normal. My therapist says I'm just blaming him for my condition because he isn't here to defend himself. I would say it to his face if I could. I guess Jessica realized I was having a break because she kept snapping in front of me. Apparently they wanted to know if I could walk. I opened my mouth to answer and the world went black