Ich Liebe Dich.

Chapter twenty three.

Achim's Pov.

           I open my eyes and come face to face with Tichalt. Well actually I come face to chest with him. My head and right hand are placed onto his chest, our legs are tangled and his arms are tightly around me. Even if I want to, I can't get out of that bed. He is holding me here, close to him. He is radiating warmth and he is comfortable.  

         I know Meinhard was here seconds ago. I just don't know what he wanted. He probably didn't want me. 

       No one does so what is the point in living. No one loves me, no one likes me, no one cares about me. So if I die no one will miss me. I'll probably be lucky if I get a funeral. 

          I remove myself from Tichalt, his breath quickens for a few seconds, but then he falls back into deep sleep. No one will be here to stop me, to talk me out of this. 

              I saw papers and a pen at the table yesterday. Tichalt is probably the only one who even slightly tolerate me, so I'll write my goodbye leter only to him.

Dear Tichalt, maybe I should call you Tilo, but

      Anyways, The world we live in has nothing to give me. All I have looking at me in future is prison. No one loves me, so not even love is holding me here. I don't have family, who could be sad about my pass. 

    Maybe someone can tell my father that he got what he want: I slit my veins, watched the dark red blood flowing out of my body, every drop of that lifegiving liquid leaving my body, taking me closer to death with every second. 

         Tell Chris that I am sorry for ruining his bathroom, I would clean it myself, but it's difficult when you are dead, right? 

       I'm sorry for making you the trouble to burry my dead body, you can dump it in the forest also if you want to, cause I for sure don't desrve proper funeral. Fuck, I don't even deserve a coffin. Right thing for me, let the wild animals take my body as their food, as something that gives them life. We come from dirt and we have to become dirt again. That's how the life and death work.

         I cared about you, not sure if I loved you. I have no idea how I should have loved someone, but I know for sure that the reason behind the try to strangle you was the marriage ring. I was just so jealous and heartbroken when I saw it, forgive me if you can.

     And even if I told you I liked you, I probably would have never known how to treat you right, how to treat you like the God you are. I still have no idea how to love someone, how to show them that you really love them, and care about them.

     Take care of yourself, I am sure that oneday a pretty girl comes to you and you can be happy again. I hope that Meinhard learns how to trust again, how to love someone. He desrves someone who can take care of  him better than I ever did.

      I have ruined lives without knowing that I was doing that. And that is something I truly regret. I'm sorry that I were Like I were. I'm sorry for destroying your's relationship with Anne, I am sorry for everything you guys blame me for. I'm sure that every one of those  accuses, I'm guilty, I know it.

So farewell, We'll never meet again, cause your pure souls are going to be accept into heaven, when my sinful one is going to burn in hell for entierty.

I really am sorry, goodbye.

Joachim Louis Teufel.

         After finishing that letter I take my last steps in this life to bathroom. Those white tiles of the floor won't be so white soon. My dirty blood will ruin their pureness.  

         I sit down, leaning against the bath, breaking the first razor I see. The moment blade touches my skin, it feels so good to be redeeming your sins. 

          Soon the blackness engulfs me into itself. My eyes fall close and my body isn't staying up anymore against the bathtub. My life is over, my guilt will die, they can live like they were meant to live their whole life cause I won't be here to ruin it anymore. 

So farewell, Hell here I come.

(750 words)