Loving A Gangsta

Chapter 20 (Wednesday)

Jessie's POV

Once everybody's out my yard, I head inside my house and lock it up behind me. The envelope Gustavo gave is thick and heavy, but it's small, so whatever is in it can really only be a few things. If it's not drug, then it has to be money. I take a seat and open it up. As soon as I realize that it is what I suspected, my jaw drops while my eyes are being blinded by the crispy fifty and hundred dollars bills that are now exposed. I pull the wad of cash out and count it carefully. Gustavo put twenty-five hundred dollars in this envelope. He must really be glad that I'm finally apart of his gang and I know he's ready for me to put in work. Shit like this don't come free.

Instead of stressing over what it is Gus might have me doing tonight, I grab some clothes out of my bedroom and hop into a nice, warm shower. This water washing away all this blood, sweat, and dirt feels better than anything I can imagine right now. I stay for about twenty minutes before getting out and heading into my room with a towel wrapped around my waist.

As I look into my full body length mirror, it's hard to notice that I'm changing. Fresh scars along with a  smug look have taken a permanent spot on my face, and anyone who's known me will know that something inside me has changed. It's been a month and a week or so into school, but I'm not the same Jessie anymore, and it's not just because of my stressing over me and Ren, stressing over trying to be the best I can in football, or even stressing over my family's problems, but it's all played a big part.

I get dressed and grab my phone off the charger to see that it's 12:07, which means my cousin and brother are still at school, my parents are still at work, and I have a good few hours to myself to just think and get myself together. I throw myself on the bed and let out a long sigh.

I have few missed calls and texts, but none of are from Ren. She must be really taking my behavior earlier to the head. I bet she's finally seeing what it feels like to have something not go the way she wants it to. All I've ever done is love her, take care of her, and just be there for her whenever she's needed me. I can't keep doing that while hiding my true feelings, so telling her felt like the right thing to do. Now I'm thinking I should've just kept my damn mouth shut. Regardless, me joining the Locos gang still would've happened even if everything was back how it was with me and Ren because our relationship don't change what my family's going through, and I'm doing this for them and them only.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if my mom's parents weren't so prejudice and racists and would've excepted my father. We would probably be living like rich white folks in some big ass house up in Beverly Hills. Would I have met Ren, Jada, Dejah, Marlon, and Mike? Definitely not. Would I have even been happy living like that? I'll never know, but I just don't see how they could cut their daughter, granddaughter, niece, and cousin off just because she fell in love with a Hispanic.

My dad ain't even a bad person. He's genuine and loves his family. He'll do anything in his power to make sure we're straight, and he loves my mom to death. They have that long lasting, pure love that I wanted to create with Ren.

It's crazy how no matter what I'm thinking about, my thoughts can always lead me back to her. She's always on my mind, and I can't help it.

The front door opens and slams close, waking me out of my sleep. I reach over and grab my phone to look at the time, and it's already 3:57. Damn, I was knocked out for a cool minute. I jump up and grab the envelope Gustavo game me earlier before starting to head into the kitchen. I decided that I'm going to give it all to them. I can care less about my wants because what I need is for my family to stay together, and this is going to help with that.

In the kitchen, my brother and cousin are both fixing them something to eat while my parents are already sitting down at the table staring at the overdue bills again. I toss the envelope on the table, which startles both of them.