Loving A Gangsta

Chapter 34 (Friday)

Dejah's POV

Michael is quick to agree when Ren asks for a moment alone with Jessie. I'm extremely happy to see him and know that he's doing fine, but the sight of him with blood stains all over his clothes and some splattered on his face brings back foul memories. I don't know what he's went through tonight, and though I want to just pull him into me and place my lips against his, I can't.

My heart is hurting because of all the bad decisions he's made, and I'm angry with him. I'm angry that he put my sister in danger and had his own momma going crazy instead of just letting her know what was going on. He had no right to let his street life get mixed in with his loved ones, and he doesn't get a pass for letting it happen just because things ended on an okay note.

I do love him, and I still want to be with him, but just not while he's still involved in all of this. It's finally time for me to admit that I can't keep putting up with this. If he really loves me and his family, he'll do the right thing. If he doesn't, then I'm just going to have to move on with my life.

I stare him down as he walks towards his mom who's crying again. As soon as he gets within arm's reach, she raises her right hand and slams it across his face. I'm sure everyone's eyes widen as quickly as mine do, but we all stand here watching silently. "How could you be so selfish?" she yells, hurt evident in her voice.

"I-"

"How could you do that to your sister? Your own blood. What the hell was going through your mind?"

He straightens his back, lifts his head, and places his hands on her shoulders. "I know I did wrong, and I know that no matter how many times I apologize, it won't change a thing, but I thought I was making the right moves. It just didn't turn out the way I thought it would. That doesn't mean y'all shouldn't forgive me," he says, looking deep into her eyes and sliding his hands down to grasp hers. "I need you to forgive me, momma."

Another moment of silence fills the rooms as they just hold each other's gaze. A pin dropping can be heard from down the hall. That's how quiet it is. "I'm just glad you're not in one of these hospital beds," she finally says, wiping the tears from her eyes and opening her up her arms. "Now come here." He pulls her into his embrace and kisses her forehead.

The love that Karmen has for he kids has never been questionable, and neither is the love that her kids have for her. Their family connection after losing Karmen's husband and their father only brought them together more and made them stronger. The way that she has reacted is completely understandable because there's no way she would be able to handle losing one of her kids after that lose whether it is Angel, Korinne, or Michael.

"You need to apologize to everybody in here for what you put them through tonight. Do you understand?" she asks, raising her eyebrows. He nods his heads as he looks around at everyone surrounding them. His eyes meet mine, but I quickly lower my head to the ground. "Get to it then. I have to go handle something."

Karmen disappears down the hospital hall, leaving me, Jada, Marlon, Marcus and a few of Marcus's boys left. The tension is thick enough to be cut with a knife, and the last thing I want to think about is getting emotional. I'm positive that's what is going to happen as soon as he says I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you, or anything among those lines.

I feel his hands slip under my chin and lift my head up to his. The coldness from his fingers bring out goosebumps on my arms, and anxiety overflows within me as our eyes get closer to meeting again. He uses his other hand to wipe the tears I didn't even realize were falling from my eyes, and without thinking, I place my hand over his. Being able to touch him again makes me feel so much better than I did when I woke up this morning. Being around him honestly is always where I want to be. And I want to be able to touch and be around him for as long as I possibly can, so I need to let him know what I've been thinking about.