Life

Quitting

Before I start, I just want to say sorry for not writing in while. I didn't really know what to write about. But this is just something that's been on my mind lately.

For the last two weeks, quitting everything has been on my mind. My job, my careers, my small little social life.

I actually deleted all of my youtube videos a couple days ago because something my mom said to me really got to me. 

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm very insecure about my singing as it is. And it doesn't help when my mom is feeding my mind with the exact things that I'm insecure about. I'll be honest, I don't sound as great as I used to be because I had laryngitis. And honestly, I didn't take it seriously and it messed up my vocal chords. it's not too bad, but it's bad enough to where I absolutely hate my voice because it's not how it used to be.

So as I'm deleting my video's, I decided to give up on everything else as well. Acting, Music, Writing, everything. Because I began to feel like I'm not good at those either.

Then, there I am, surrounded by people who are following their dreams and I'm thinking. "What am I good at. If I'm not a singer, actor, dancer, or writer, then What am I? What is my talent?"

And just now, I was just thinking about quitting my job. 

Why?

Well, there's the stress. One of my co-workers keep giving me attitude for no reason and I'm afraid that if I don't quit, then I'll get fired and that's way worse. And then my inner brat wants everything to go how I want it too. And if it doesn't I get upset. I feel like my job is getting in the way of a lot of opportunities and just days to have fun and even things that are important to me.

But let's just say I'm grateful for bringing people in my life right now because I really needed it.

I never told anybody my plans of quitting everything, but for some reason, everyone was posting posts on quitting and why you shouldn't do it. And to be honest, I paid no attention to it. I brushed it off.

Then my best friend tells me he's auditioning for this play. And it's a very big deal. And I tell him that he needs to promise me that no matter what happens, he won't give up and he won't quit. That he needs to learn and grow from it.

And that's when I realized what a hypocrite I was being. Telling him not to quit when that was exactly what I was doing.

To quote the Hamilton soundtrack:

"Dying is easy, young man. Living is harder."

It's so easy to give up and throw everything away. It's harder to keep going to reach your goal and to just get through what you're going through.

If you quit trying to learn how to fly, how are you ever going to soar?

I'm going to keep trying.

I'm going to make more videos, go for more plays, write more, and keep this job because I need it.

I'll keep fighting. I'll keep swinging until I've got nothing left.

Okay, I'm done being dramatic.

All I'm trying to say is, keep going. Don't let anybody stop you from doing something you want. If you quit, they win. Don't let them win.

QOD:

What is your favorite quote?