Life

How does it feel to love someone who doesn't love you back?

Before I get into this, I just want to say I'm sorry for not updating this in a while. I've been working on Reality lately and I just didn't know what to write about on here. So I decided that I'm going to look up prompts and post what my answers are on here. so without further ado, let's get into it :)

Now, even though I'm pretty young, I'd say I have quite a bit of experience on loving someone who doesn't love me back. And not just love that I thought was love, but actual love. Actually, I guess it's a bit of both depending on who we're talking about. So, let's talk about both.

First, let's talk about Anthony (not his real name). I thought I loved him and at the time, he didn't like me back sadly. we actually recently started talking again, and this time it's the opposite. This time he likes me, and I don't like him. As more than a friend at least. This time (just like he did when I liked him) I love another. But we'll get into that guy soon. But first, let's take this story into the beginning. I was a sophomore and he was a senior. I don't know why he decided to talk to me, but he did. I was super shy at the time, so I didn't even think he noticed me. I actually found it quite annoying at first. I was hoping every day that he wouldn't walk through those choir doors so that I wouldn't have to talk to him. Well, more like so he wouldn't ask me a whole bunch of questions so I didn't have to answer him. But pretty soon, the feelings came. I found myself hoping that he WOULD walk through those choir doors because I was just dying to talk to him. I'm not sure exactly why or how these feelings came. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with him being a senior and that's just everyone's dream right? For a senior to take notice in them? Not to leave out that he was pretty good looking. And a good looking guy taking an interest in me seemed impossible. I mean come on, I'm not exactly the prettiest girl around. Pretty soon, I started inviting him places like to church or to my house and he started inviting me places like to go jogging or to parties. But he got a girlfriend and of course, it hurt for about a week, but I was over him. That's when I realized it wasn't love, but just my first major crush.

However, Matt (also not his real name) was and is my first love. He says he doesn't like me back, but his actions show differently and it's making it harder and harder for me to move on. He has a girlfriend and a child, but I find that he get's angry whenever I mention possibly liking and going on a date with another guy or girl. Weirdly enough, he's everything I look for in a guy. He's funny, sarcastic, protective over his loved ones, etc. It's like someone found this list in my head and made an exact replica of the guy. And he's cute, so that's a bonus. I did back off a lot though. I don't talk to him anymore. I do check in on him from time to time with our friend, but that's about it. I've tried going on dates, but I've just never clicked with them like I have with Matt. No one has ever made me feel like this. It's been almost two years since we've stopped talking and I'm still not over him. All it took was a hello from him and it completely changed my life, as cliche as it sounds. going out with anyone else felt like I was downgrading. No, I'm not comparing anyone to Matt, I just don't like anyone else the way I like him. I won't get too into him, because if anyone who wasn't supposed to find this does and figures out who it is, then I would actually die.

It doesn't even have to be a crush, it could be a family member. It's like this between me and my dad. I put everything into our relationship and he doesn't, and it sucks.

The point is, loving someone who doesn't love who back is one of the worst pains a person could feel. It makes you question everything you know about life.  Yourself, love, etc. It is a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. No one deserves that kind of pain. No one. No one deserves to have to cry themselves to sleep every night over a boy or girl. No one should have to go throughout the day listening to songs that remind them of the person they love if they don't love them back. I find myself doing these things, and a lot more, daily and it isn't fun.

While I've never had such amazing feelings, I've also never had such horrible ones. Just the thought of not being loved back alone is awful, but actually having to go through it is unbearable.

The best you can do is try to move on. it's going to hurt... a lot. You're going to want to give up, but you can't. You need to try and move on for you and for them. If they come back and it works out, then it does. It's all in time.