'what happened?'
A lightbulb lit up in Troye's mind when he remembered that he had a frozen pizza base he could make for the two of us. I set the oven to preheat while Troye took it out the box and getting some ingredients out the fridge.
He got me to grate the cheese while he spread a sauce over the base and put a few other things on top while I added the cheese. While we waited for it to finish Troye sat himself up on the counter, his legs swaying like he was five or something.
We fell into a comfortable silence, I could see Troye was deep in thought. Whenever he did so he would actually would just close his eyes, despite it making no apparent difference, but he didn't look like he meant to actually do it. It was more a habit of sorts.
I know he probably will feel my eyes on him again but I can't help myself, I swear he is angel.
The angel smiled and laughed.
"What about taking a picture Bixenman?" I looked down in embarrassment but smiled.
"The real thing is always better you know," he chuckled again and hopped off the counter when the oven made a noise to say the pizza was done.
"I think it is ready," he said excitedly, reaching for the oven mitts to his right and putting them on. I would be lying if I said I was not nervous to watch him take that out the boiling hot oven. But my worrying was for nothing when he took it out with no doubt swifter than I ever could.
We waited for it to cool a bit before I took a knife and cut it into slices for the two of us. He took a seat back on the counter while I sat on one of the spinning stools at the kitchen island, watching him intently as always.
"I hate it when people watch me eat," he said with a teasing smirk.
"I'm sorry," I said again laughing while he chuckled as well. "Troye?"
"Yeah?" he said taking another bite.
"Were you born blind?" I saw him tense slightly as his smile fell, my own heart clenching. "If you don't want to talk about it I totally get it," he shook his head.
"No it's fine I will say. I wasn't born blind, no. I lost my eyesight when I was ten. I got in a car accident and uh...I will leave out the details because they not something I want revisit but I will say I was the only one to make it out the car alive...I'm grateful but I think survivor's guilt sometimes makes me wonder if living was even a blessing, because it makes you feel like I shouldn't be here."
My mouth fell slack. It is one thing to be born blind and to not actually know what you missing out but for you to lose something, and when at such a young age, I can't imagine what it must have been like for him to go though. Not to mention the fact that survivor's guilt seemed to be eating him alive, I could see how it pained him to mention it.
"I'm so sorry Troye. Even though you do, you should not be feeling guilty okay? You can't control how things play out," he nodded and I dropped the subject, perhaps it is something for when we are closer.
They way he spoke about it showed me it's still a fresh wound for him, I don't want to make him upset.
I
left Troye's place about three hours later, getting absolutely carried away with conversation about the most random of things that night.
.......
I
t was now Saturday night, Troye and I spent the day. He showed me his favourite places in this part of New York, and he showed me some real nice places that I no doubt will go to in my own time. Or with him, yeah that will be better.
