'one shot of tequila'
Of course I am planning on taking my mom's advice but this whole thing with Troye is not stopping me from going to this party, I kind of promised Scott anyway.
I am not all that amped to go honestly but I am going to try making the best of it. Who knows? Maybe it will be fun. I can't just say no to everything, I have never been one to get out of my shell unless I am really being pressured which I am not, I know Scott wouldn't make that big of a deal if I didn't go. I have never really done different things on my own accord so maybe I should try it out just this once.
It is already Thursday and I miss Troye a lot.
I have only seen him once or twice as he goes in or out of his apartment but otherwise I have not spoken to him. I really want to listen to my mom, show him I miss him because I really do but how do I do that when he is making the biggest effort possible to ignore me? I swear he has changed his schedule entirely to avoid me, not to be dramatic or anything.
I want to knock on his door, tell him how sorry I am, beg for forgiveness but I really don't have the courage to do that just yet, I know how much I hurt him. What if he just doesn't answer or if he just pushes me away? Then I will only be more upset than I am right now.
That is what I am really scared of. It's not like I have had many experiences where people have left me time and time again but it happening once was enough to know how heart sore it can make a person, especially a person as emotional as myself.
Till the end of my shift, as I had been doing since Tuesday after our argument, I stare at the door. My ears focus on the bell Jenn had decided to put up above the door. I hate it. I hate it because every time it would ring I would divert all of my attention to it in the hopes that it would Troye who walked in.
But what I hate most is this feeling of utter dependency on a person for my general good mood. I have never ever felt like this and honestly it may be the worst feeling I have ever felt, not to mention the guilt that was still eating me inside.
I lock up after my shift, still no Troye in sight. I get in my car to make my way home, blasting the annoying and generic radio music I hate so much in an attempt to block out my thoughts, not succeeding of course.
.......
"Hey, Jacob!" I turn at the sound of my name while making my way off campus to go to work.
"Scott!" I call back as I recognise the bubbly guy giving me a wide smile; I am somewhat envious of how happy he always seems to be.
"You got the details I sent you right?" he asks, now walking beside me.
"Yeah, I will see you there."
"Good. So are you taking anyone with you?" I gulp at the thought of Troye.
"I uh no I don't really have friends to ask."
"Well good thing you going then! You can meet my group of friends, I think you will like them, they also they're a laugh a minute," he says with a sweet, admirable smile at the topic of his friends. He must really care about them.
"Thanks Scott, I appreciate it."
"No problem J!" he says, now starting to run off in another direction. "See you later!"
"See you!" I call back with a chuckle at his childlike energy and almost tripping over himself when he turns.
Hopefully I don't bail out at the last minute, don't need to upset any more people than I already have.
.......
I do end up making it to the party that night. Scott was right. The house was old and secluded but it was decorated with bright lights and other decorations. I can feel the music before I could hear it as it shakes the ground.
I get out my car, in a black shirt, a red bomber jacket and jeans with black sneakers. I would be lying if I said I didn't wish Troye was here to accompany me right now as I made my way to the front door of the house.
I get to the door, I recognise a guy from class standing there and making it blatantly obvious that he is checking me out before I step in. He gives me a nod of acknowledgement and a flirtatious wink, there is no doubt that he is good looking but he is no Troye.
Once I am inside, my senses are flooded with the dimly lit room, sweaty bodies dancing and grinding on one another, the stench of alcohol everywhere and music so loud I think my ear drums will actually burst.
"Jacob you came!" Scott yells over the deafening noise of the crowd and music, making his way over to me and greeting me with a great bear hug.
"Of course!" I yell back. He then leads me to where his group of friends sit in a less noisy corner of the room on red sofas.
"So guys this is Jacob, Jacob this is Mitch, Tyler, Korey, Jenna and Ashley," he introduces, still almost shouting for them to hear him while all of them smile widely at me.
Jenna did not only just smile to me though, I can already see that she is drunk out of her mind as she gets up from the sofa beside Mitch to throw herself on me giving me a long hug as if we are lifelong friends or something.
"Hello Jacob, you are so pretty," she whispers into my ear. I laugh at her slurring and unsteadiness, so unsteady that I am now fully supporting her weight.
"Mind her, she was here early," Tyler says with a loud cackle then proceeding to sip on his drink.
"No that's fine, she's sweet," I say, helping her back to where she sat beside Mitch then taking a seat myself on the sofa to where Scott welcomed me.
"Yeah sweet and obnoxious," Mitch adds to which the group of us laugh at.
"Hey," Jenna says sounding really hurt. "That's not nice," she says between a few hiccups.
"Obnoxious when sober as well," Korey adds on, then subtly going back to sip on his drink.
"Fuck you," she says as we all laugh at her once more.
Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad.
What felt like moments later hours had already gone past. I only had two beers by now, having to turn down drink after drink so that I would not get drunk and then become unable to drive myself home afterwards.
I dance and speak with others the whole time, not quite understanding where this confident side is coming from as conversation seemed to flow so easily. I get along with all of Scott's friends. I have taken a particular liking to Ashley who has entertained me a lot with her sarcasm and blunt remarks about everyone in the room.
I am doing well on my plan to not get drunk but all that effort soon crumbles when Tyler manages to convince me to take one shot of tequila.
One shot however soon turns into two and then three and from there I lose count and I guess my brain stops recording entirely right after what could quite possibly be my tenth shot for the night.
