Eyes Bright, Uptight. (Twenty One Pilots)

Chapter 7: Ex.

Maddie's life was completely different, she had a mom and she was really close to her, I guess that when you spend so much time with your mom you eventually pick up aspects of her personality to make them yours, Maddie had it in her, that mom instinct and as much as I hated it, she put it to a test on me.

But my mom, how can someone be called like that when they do not act like it? She spent many years away from me, leaving me to live with my grandparents until they got really old and could not take care of a child, once they died she had no other option than to take me and accept the fact that she had a daughter. Of course I was not what she expected, I grew up with an elderly couple who had really conservative ideas, not that they were bad, they were so much better than my mom but, I understand why she turned out the way she did.

She had me really young, she was meant to marry my father, that's what my grandparents said, they said she refused to tell them who he was and there was no way on earth she was getting married nor taking care of a baby, but they had other plans and seeing as my mom was in complete disagreement with me being born, my grandparents had to beg her to keep me, because abortions are a sin and somehow an offense to their God. Little did they know they would be the ones to have the pleasure of raising me.

And I get it, they were old and tired, they had already raised their own kids and for a moment, raising another one might not have seemed like a problem, at least to my mom it did not. She was able to go on and about with her life, like a normal young adult would and she would barely see me. Not a single time did she take me in her arms and rocked me so I would stop crying, she never changed my diapers, not even a kiss on the forehead, normal stuff mothers do to create a much necessary bond.

Grandma would sit me down on the front porch with her as she knitted and listened to the radio, she would dress me up in old-school dresses with ribbons and lace everywhere, making me feel uncomfortable but I was so young to say something. My grandpa was more quiet around me, he had a look that could freeze your blood in seconds and he gave it to me each time i tried to play with his old collection of coins and ivory statues. Every night at dinner time, He would give long speeches about religion, politics and society. A really strange man, he had strange ideas that came down from generations on him, he was named after the father of his father and he believed that women were meant to stay put in the house and for the men.

You do not meet people like that very often.

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Living on your own is one thing but living lonely, and uncertain, was another completely different. Days have passed, I never really started counting. There are no signs of my mom coming back. That gave the house an eerie feeling, every surface was begining to get covered in a thin layer of dust, there was barely any food in the fridge. Not that I spent my time in there, I mostly went to change clothes and sleep, other than that I was aways welcomed at Maddie's house and I used the excuse that I really needed to pass my exams and Madison was the only good tutor out there. I was killing two birds with a stone, getting free, homemade food and education, plus, I did not feel lonely all the time.

But the times that I wanted to be on my own, I liked to walk around the neighborhood either early in the morning or when the sun was about to go down completely. I took different roads each time, walking past houses I've never seen before and occasionally coming across faces I do not know.

This afternoon was different, I headed out of my house with a hoodie on to keep me warm from the Ohio cold, I walked down the streets I knew headed towards a certain part of the neighborhood. Not exactly expecting to encounter someone but with a deep desire for something happening. I knew Josh lived a couple of houses from where I was now standing, I had been walking in circles for the past half an hour just pondering whether or not  I should go up to his door and knock. what would I say? Wha if his parents open the door? They would start asking questions.