Stray Heart

Oh mother Mary take my hand

'Mike, he wants you.' I wail, attempting to comfort little Sean as he cries. Mike looks up from his bass, Ruby Mae, and hurries over, taking him off of me as I sit down.

'Oh my God, I'm a Mother and I can't even comfort my own baby!' I whine as Sean immediately quietens down in Mike's arms.

'It's not your fault! He's just a Daddy's boy.' Mike giggles as his son gurgles. I nod and kiss Mike on the cheek. 'Are you coming to the Gilman tonight babe? Ollie said she'll babysit Lilly and Sean while us, Beej and Adie are out.' I breathe I sigh of relief, it feels like forever since we've been out, even though in reality it's only been a couple of days.

'Sounds great, you playing then?' I ask and he nods.

'We can pick up Billie at 8 yeah?'

'Awesome, do you want a sandwich?' I call from the kitchen.

'Cheese please Louise.' Mike says and I laugh.

'Lovely rhyming honey, I assume that's why Billie writes the songs?'

'Hey! I wrote you that song when I proposed, and that Governator one!' He defends himself, placing Sean in his cot.

'I know and Last Night On Earth was beautiful.' I make a point of saying, while cutting his cheese sandwich into triangles. He likes triangles the best. I bring him his sandwich and a glass of apple juice.

'Thank you.' He smiles, kissing me gently. We've been together for way over a year now, but every time he kisses me it feels like the first.

'Mikey?' I ask inquisitively, looking at his face.

'Yes..?' He replies cautiously.

'Do you have sideburns?' I giggle and he smiles proudly, brandishing his face at me.

'Yes I do. I thought I'd try out something new. People will be like, "Oh, Mike? Is that the one with sideburns?"' I smile at his logic.

'Well you look adorable.' I comment and he kisses me.

Tomorrow would've been my Mum's birthday, so I am going to visit her gravestone in the morning. At the moment I'm putting on my little blue dress with one strap and some converse as I re-apply my mascara and eyeliner. Mike pulls on his tattered black pair of chucks and a white vest top. He is ridiculously skinny, which is weird as he eats more than I do.

'You ready sweetheart?' Mike calls from the bathroom as he does his hair.

'Yep, I've got all of Sean's stuff.' I reply and we start walking to Billie's with me pushing the pram and Mike's arm wrapped around my waist.

We arrive and Ollie takes Sean as he giggles. She places him down next to Lilly, who has exactly Adrienne's nose and rosy cheeks but with Billie's green eyes. We all get into Billie's car and head over to the Gillman.

All the girls are cheering as the boys enter the building.

'Woah, woah, put your shirt back on!' Mike says to a girl in the crowd, who had I <3 Mike written on her stomach. 'There's only one girl I wanna see with her shirt off.' He laughs and I blush. Quite a few of these girls are from out of town so I assume they don't know about me.

'Who?!' They're all shouting, a mixture of happy and envious. Mike looks at me and waves his hand for me to come up on stage. I sheepishly do so and he kisses me.

'My gorgeous fiancé and the mother of my child of course!' He shouts and I kiss him again before heading back down to Adrienne where I am mobbed by a bunch of perfect blonde girls asking questions. Seeing them all looking like Barbie's makes me wonder why Mike even chose me in the first place.

*Next day*

I place the white flowers down onto Mum's grave.

'Happy Birthday Mum.' I whisper, sitting down by the grass. 'How are you doing up there? I'm engaged now. Do you remember Mike? Yeah, him. He's amazing, I really think that he's the one. Good news, you're a Grandma now. Mike and I made little Sean! He's such a character, you'd love that little fella - Mike and I do, we love him and each other more than anything in the whole wide world. It's a shame you two never met - you and Sean - I bet you'd have  spoiled him rotten. Dad, yeah, he's getting on alright in prison I'd imagine. I've got bad news about Jimmy. Jimmy died. Well, both of them did. Jimmy and St Jimmy. Do you remember that other kid Billie? He's got a kid now too, Lilly Beth, she's gorgeous. And Tre? The weird one? Yeah... He thought he was going to be an Auntie when he found out about Lilly and an Uncle when he found out about Sean, but that's just Tre for you. It's weird without you, Mum, I miss you so much. I think about you every day and how much I miss you. I miss coming home and having you there being all chirpy, I miss you protecting me, and always being there for me. I hope you're having the time of your life wherever you are now. Happy Birthday, I love you.'

A single tear runs down my cheek as I walk away from the grave.

I walk, and just keep walking until I reach the familiar tracks of Christie Road. I sit down on the hill of dead grass and just sob. I don't even know why, I'm so happy with Mike and Sean, I just miss my Mum so much and it scares me how quickly everything changed. I'm just sitting here with my head in my hands when I hear a familiar voice.

'No, Mike, if we play One Of My Lies first, then we can really get the audience revved up.' Billie's voice rings out from the other side of the hill. I sniffle.

'I'll ring you back dude.' He says and I feel a hand on my shoulder. 'Nicola? Everything okay?' I look up at him with red puffy eyes.

'Yeah, it's just a bit overwhelming, it's Mum's first birthday since, you know, she died. I just really miss her.' I sniff and Billie puts an arm around my shoulder.

'It'll all be okay; you have me, Adie, Lilly Beth, my Mom, Mike, Tre and Sean. You have all the family you'll ever need right here in Rodeo.' He comforts me and I pull him into a hug.

'Thanks Billie. So why you down here?'

'Just came down for a smoke. Adie's out and Lilly is with my Mom.' He tells me and I nod.

'Ah, that reminds me, Mike's done so well quitting smoking.' I ponder.

'Actually he has, I didn't really notice. He always turns down every time I go out for one.' Billie says and I smile.

'Well I'm gonna go.' I sigh, standing up and wiping my eyes.

I turn the key in the latch and quietly step in. I peek my head around the living room door to see Mike sitting down holding Sean up in front of him and making a funny voice.

'Your Mommy's gone to see her Mommy.' He whispers. 'Can you say that? Mommy? How about Daddy? Can you say that? Daddy loves your Mommy a lot, more than the whoooooole wide world. It all seems quite big to you at the moment doesn't it, but you'll be fine. One day you'll be a big boy like your Daddy. But I hope you'll turn out a little better than me, maybe you can get a good job. If you're lucky like me maybe you can find yourself a wife just like your Mommy.'

Mike rambles on and I smile in the doorway. Suddenly a little voice pipes up.

'Maaameeee.' Sean dribbles and my mouth makes an O shape as Mike squeals.

'Sean!! That's right, Mommy! How about Daddy? Can you say that too?' Sean looks confused.

'Daadaaa.' He bibbles and Mike hugs him carefully.

'I can't believe your Mommy wasn't here to see that!' Mike sighs.

'Oh I'm here!' I smile, running in and kissing Mike and then Sean. Mike stands up with Sean and I hold my hands out to take him. Billie was right, I have all the family I need here in Rodeo.