Completely Off My Rocker

Meet The "Ipliers" (The Christmas Update)

This fanfiction is brought to you by markimoo_ily

Thanks for the follow, and welcome to the Misadventures family!

Now, the story continues...
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Helen's POV

"Hi, my name is Helen, and I'd like to bone your son."

         Mark spit tea on the steering wheel, mumbling a curse word as he wiped it up with an already wet napkin. I smirked, "Geez, babe, you're gonna make me stop getting McDonalds." I laughed as he glared at me. "Helen, I need you to be serious about this; I mean, this is my family."
           I stopped smiling and sat back in my seat; he only called me 'Helen' when he was trying to be serious. "Okay," I sighed. "So what do you want me to say?" I asked. Mark was silent for a moment, then shrugged. "Whatever makes you feel comfortable."

"Hi, my name is Helen, and I'd like to--"

          "If that sentence ends with 'bone your son,' I am cancelling this Christmas for us and driving all the way back to LA." Mark said, his voice stern but his eyes twinkling with amusement. I groaned and hit my head against the headrest a few times. "You're no fun," I groaned.
           Mark stopped at a red light that, if you went straight ahead, led to a suburban area. "Sorry, Hunny Bunny; my mom isn't either." he sighed. "Now, what are you going to say to my mother?"
           My eyebrow arched above my eye and I gave a little smirk. "Oh gosh," he shook his head, pressing down on the gas when the light turned green.

           "So...Cincinnati." I commented, looking back at past the light, and then looking at him sarcastically. Mark rolled his eyes, "I'll give a tour later, darlin', be patient." he smiled.
            We drove past houses of different colors until we reached a small little pistachio-colored house with a neat little yard decorated with friggin' garden gnomes EVERYWHERE.
         "Ohmergerd, triggered." I whispered, Mark laughing. I watched in awe as Mark pulled his Hybrid into the driveway, seeing something that was looking out of the shuttered windows, but not perceiving quickly enough as to what it was.
          Mark finally slowed to a stop and turned off the car, sighing and rubbing his face in his hands. "Heben, whateber you do," he said with his hands covering his mouth. He took them away, staring at the car roof and then closing his eyes tight. "please don't mention boning me, okay? Please? For me?" he pleaded.

           "I will most certainly think about it," I winked at his as he shook his head and got out of the car, coming around the car and opening my door for me. I stepped out and smiled at him. "Thanks, Mark." and I shoved my hands in my pocket.
          "No problem," he smiled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and trying to stuff the other in his jeans pocket. I shivered, causing him to frown. "Cold?" He leaned down to whisper against my cheek, the warmth of his breath making my cheek tingle.
          I smiled and blew out a breath. "No; I'm just really excited. I finally get to tell someone I'm boning their son," I laughed out loud as Mark's face went white.

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Mark's POV

         I sighed; how many times had I done that today?
         "Well, here we go." I stated, looking down at Helen. She gave me one of those award winning smiles as a sign reassurance.

I knocked on the door.

        There was a loud bumping noise, which was followed by loud steps and the twisting of a knock. Here goes nothing, I thought to myself. The moment of truth.

"Mark Edward Fischbach, you are late."

        I hung my head: twas true. "Sorry Mom, traffic and stuff." I laughed nervously as he eyes slowly moved away from me. "Oh!" I pulled Helen a little closer to me. "Um, Mom. This is Helen." I smiled. Helen, please don't say 'bone your son.'
           
"Hi my name is Helen, and I'd like to--"
Oh no, Helen, why?
"--like to thank you for allowing me to visit for the holidays."