Love Sick [boyxboy] [Watty's2015]

XXIX. Thoughts to the Dead

Simon Harries died five weeks after our marriage...

The tumours, which were all over him, stopped all of his organs, which made him...

First, it stopped his lungs. Then his liver. Then his kidneys.

Then it killed his brain, which made him numb to the world...

Finally it put his heart into a full stop, effectively ending his life...

Dad said he didn't suffer...

That he kept smiling and clutching our picture at the altar...

That his last words were my name...

His death was expected, sure...

But nothing prepared me for this...

The pain, the sadness, the longing....

The world could end. I could have been kidnapped and tortured. I could have contracted my own cancer...

But nothing would compare to the pain in my heart right now...

Not even when Dad left us...

Not even what Uno did to me at Prom night...

It hurts...

So much...

The loss of Simon, it was like having an organ—my heart—hollowed out. And there was no replacement; they just let the blood flow through the space that was once my heart...

It's true what they say. That emotional pain was much, much, much, much more painful that physical pain...

Especially when it is about the person you are painstakingly in love with...

I wished for more time for us. More time for him...

But life is a bitch...

And it fucked my love story hard...

It fucked Simon's life hard...

I know what others are thinking right now...

Pity...

Sadness...

And if I ever regret marrying Simon now that he has departed...

I didn't. I don't. I won't ever regret marrying Simon Nathaniel Harries...

And if given a chance, I would do it all over and over and over and over again...

Experience the happiness...

Experience the pain...

Experience the love...

All over again, and again, and again...

And I won't regret it...

You know why?

Because Simon is the best thing I'd ever have...

And many men may come to my life in the future, but no one will ever replace Simon in my life...

Because Simon is the best thing I'd ever have...

You know what I am thinking right now?

A Fall Out Boy Song...

"I'll trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday..."

Just one yesterday with Simon. To say all the things I have never said. To say the things I have...

And just to see his face, his smile, and his eyes once more...

I reckon I will never ever love any man again, not like how I loved Simon...

I don't reckon I'll even date anyone...

But I should try...

Simon would never want me to be alone. Knowing him, he'd want me to be happy and be loved like how he had loved me...

For his sake I'll try...

If I can't, then I'll just settle until Death comes to my door and take me to him...

To my love...

To Simon...

But for now, I'll just reminisce my moments with Simon, our memories, our dreams, our could-haves and what-ifs...

Simon Nathaniel Harries...

I love you long even if you're gone, gone, gone...

I hope when I get there, you'll be waiting for me...

See you soon...

Yeah?

All my love,

Tris.

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