One Officer, please (Jamie Reagan Fanfic)

09:I'm fine

After I woke up, showered and quickly got dressed I was about to make my coffee when the doorbell rang. Who the hell is at my door at 7 am... I couldn't possibly imagine who that was.
I opened the door to lock eyes with a man dressed in a U.S. army outfit.
"Sorry to bother you, Miss, but are you Rosanna Sierra Talbot?" he asked me,he was maybe in his late-twenties or early thirties.
"Yes I am, what is this about?" I politely smiled at him, even though I had a theory on what was wrong and he was about to just assure me that I was right.'
"I am sorry to tell you that your brother, Bryce Danver, passed away in the line of duty.."I was speechless as he handed me some letter. "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but he did leave this note for you. The marine will organize the funeral and it will take place here in New york as he and your siblings wished for. I am really sorry for your loss again." He looked at me with pity in his eyes. "Thank you." I tried to give him a smile, this wasnt't the fist time I got such a message and by the faith of my family I'm pretty sure it's not the last time as well. "If you need anything we will be there for you, no matter what it is." He assured me. "I'm fine, thanks."

A few hours later I was sitting at my desk ,throwing work on myself. Jamie went through my room, greeted me shortly, and then went into Erins office. I grabbed into my purse to get my phone out when some paper fell into my hand. The letter. I still didn't open it. I took it out of the bag and looked on it. I don't even know myself why I didn't open it. I don't even know why he wrote this letter to me, before he joined the army we had this huge fight and ever since we didnt speak to each other.
As soon as I open this letter I know I will either feel relieved or guilty. And I'm afraid of finding out what it is gonna be. I'm afraid of knowing what my brother wanted to tell me in the case of his death. I could never forgive myself if he blamed me, because I know he is right.

As the door of Erins office opened and fell shut I looked up hurriedly, I didn't even notice until now that tears were forming in my eyes. In a fast movement I opened the drawer of my desk,threw the letter into it and then slammed it shut. With my fingers I went underneath my eyes to prevent the tears from falling. Jamie looked at me. "Whats wrong?" I stayed silent for a moment, overthinking what I should answer him before I decided to go along with the most spread lie there is.
"Nothing, everything is fine."

And that was my answer to everyone in the next few days who wanted to know how I was. But to be completely honest, I didn't even know how I was myself.
I wanted to scream and cry but it feels like I already used all tears, like I've ran out of tears.
I wanted that pain in my chest to disappear.
I wanted to sleep at night without seeing my dead family members the second I close my eyes.
I was tired, of this life and everything that it threw on me.
I wished to be in their place, so I wouldn't have to be experience how everyone I loved and cared about was leaving me. Some may see this as an egoistic statement but I don't know if I could cope with another person fading from my life leaving me with an empty heart.

642 Words and I know it is really short