Rejected By My Mate

26

"No, Rider James, I like totally swear I am your long lost love Peaches Jane!" I screamed, crying and trying not to cry because he didn't recognize me even though I was a babe now. Logically I shouldn't have been upset because I formerly looked like a four-hundred pound troll and now I'm sexy but still, I'm heartbroken because I expect to be the most relevant person in everyone's life as a generic teen fiction werewolf protagonist.

"Well jingle." he nodded. "So like, now that you've made me jealous and I almost got your mom pregnant what happens?"

"We run off and get married, jeez."

"Um," Rider James cracked his neck and picked up a rock off the ground, kneeling. "I magically love you again will you marry-"

"I LOVE HER MORE!" Kyle Biker bellowed as he sprinted down the street in his banana hammock with his cellphone out constructing a woman fawning tweet. "YOU CANNOT MARRY MY LOVE!"

"Bitch, you and what army?" I demanded. Kyle Biker and Rider James stopped and gasped.

"What did you do Peaches??????? You just swore in a teen fiction novel you can't do that the whole world could fall apart!"

I sighed and pinched my nose. "I was recently informed that this isn't actually a generic teen fiction novel and we're being used." the two boys looked appalled and it was so sexy on them it was hard for me not to swoon and imagine all of the ship smut I was going to write at the end of this mess.

"If this isn't a teen fiction novel what is it?" Emelie crawled out of Kyle Biker's mouth like a Victoria's Secret Angel Float with a door for the girls to come out of. She stepped onto the ground and brushed the spit off of her, looking at me like she was terrified that her entire reality was shaken.

"We're a bad knock-off of a badboy werewolf novel."

Instantly Kyle Biker started to cry, Emelie fainted and Rider James coughed up six ounces of pure badboy illicit drugs. "No way, that can't be right." he coughed, pounding on his chest until a pack of cigarettes flew out and into his hand.

"No, it's true." Evelyn approached out of nowhere with her hand linked in Jimmy Falcon's. She pulled out a cigarette and Jimmy Falcon lit it with his pinky.

"That," Emelie pointed to Jimmy Falcon. "Was sexy. You go skinny boy."

"Thanks, Em." he winked at her, which earned him a slap over the head with a shoe from Evelyn.

"Anyway, jinglers. Everyone snap it up. Emelie, you run off with an unnamed side character. Go!" Evelyn seemed to startle the model, but she obediently took off running in some insignificant direction in her nine inch platform heels. "Rider James, propose to Peaches, leave her for another woman in six months. And you two!" she spun on Assassino, who I hadn't noticed because he was the least sexy out of the entirely sexy orgy in the scene, and Kyle Biker.

The two of them stared at each other and then looked to Evelyn. "What? No..." they said in unison.

"CONFESS YOUR GAY LOVE TO EACH OTHER AND LET'S WRAP UP THIS GOD AWFUL BOOK."

The two of them looked at each other, and in typical badboy fashion told each other they hated the other and walked off in separate directions. Rider James finished proposing to me with his poorly chosen sedimentary and Evelyn and Jimmy Falcon took off to Papua New Guinea to get married and probably do some kind of weird sociopath stuff typical of their characters. Emelie and the insignificant man eloped to Ecuador and Kyle Biker and Assassino finally admitted their love for one another and disappeared to hell knows where.

Rider James and I got engaged, I got pregnant with triplets and then he left me all alone, kicked out of Daddy and Patty's mansion to raise the kids while he continued to get it on with Patty. So it's safe to say, a happily ever after for everyone but me. Because like I said all alone, no one acknowledged how hard my life is.