Fear Will Lose // twenty one pilots // Joshler

Chapter 17

"Do you want me to read it first? Check if there's anything that might upset you?" Josh asked as Tyler stared at the envelope with Zack written on the front.

"It's going to upset me, that's inevitable," Tyler answered.
"You don't have to read it,"
"I know," he said, flipping the envelope over and over again.

After a few more spins, he dropped it back down onto the dining room table.

It landed on top of the letter from Maddy that they had already opened and read; it was lovely letter filled with love and bible quotes and sweet stories and support spanning 5 hand written A4 sides.

Josh let Tyler read it first and watched in delight as his face lit up with each passing word, then read it himself and smiled just as much.

"Maddy's was sweet, maybe we should leave it at that for today,"
"I'd like to get it done, will you open it for me?" Tyler asked, pushing it towards Josh.

He had attempted to open Maddy's by himself but only managed one small pull before his OCD became too strong to ignore.

"Alright babe, but if it's too much then put it down and walk away, deal?"
"Deal." Tyler said quietly, sitting on his hands.

Josh took the envelope and opened it, pulling out a folded piece of paper and consequently knocking something else out with it. He reached across the table and picked it up, turning it over to reveal a photograph of Zack, Tatum and Ben.

"It's a photo, it's got the baby in, want me to put it away somewhere?"
"Please," Tyler nodded.
"Okay it's gone," he said, sliding it under Maddy's letter.

"You want to take this? Or I can read it aloud?"
"I'll take it, but you can sit next to me if you'd like to." Tyler said anxiously, strongly hinting to Josh that he needed him next to him.

Josh picked the folded letter up and moved to sit beside him, then set it down on the table and let Tyler pick it up for himself.

Tyler,

I've written this half a dozen times, and a hundred more in my head, but none of them were right so this is my final attempt.

When Mom told me she was going to see you on your birthday, I won't lie, I was surprised. I know you hate birthdays, I know you find them difficult, so I won't wish you a happy one. Instead I'll wish you a happy day, just as I wish that everyday you have is happy.

She's really really proud of you Tyler, I can't begin to explain, and Dad is too. He told me that he spoke to you about how he's been dealing with things, and he said it was right to do for both of you, so when Mom suggested we wrote letters, I thought I'd follow in his footsteps slightly.

I've had a son; Tatum and I now have a beautiful baby boy called Benjamin. And I remember that after you came out of hospital you told me about how you don't trust yourself with babies, so I won't go on about him too much, but I felt he was too big a change to not mention.

He was born on the 10th of October and is genuinely the best thing to have ever happened to me. Tatum says he looks like me, but I see your eyes.

You are more than welcome to visit him if and when you feel comfortable and I truly believe you will be an amazing uncle to him.

Tatum is an amazing mother, just as I knew she would be. The patience and care she shows Ben is inspiring and I'm so proud to call her my fiancée. She sends her love.

We've been engaged for almost 2 years now and we were recently discussing when we are going to actually get married. She didn't want me to tell you this, didn't want to put any pressure on you, but I feel you ought to know. She wants to wait until you are doing better because she says a wedding without you wouldn't be a wedding that would make me happy. And she's right, I want you as my best man. I don't care whether we have to wait another decade, I'm not getting married without my big brother stood next to me.