Fear Will Lose // twenty one pilots // Joshler

Chapter 1

Josh's head vibrated against the glass of the train window as he absentmindedly fiddled with the black band around his fourth finger. He watched the familiar buildings of the city blur past and awaited the sharp bend in the tracks that he knew so well. It was as though the whole route was etched in his mind, he knew each turn, each jostle and jolt, he could recognise each tree and its location on the journey. His stop was announced over the tannoy and, after collecting his briefcase from the adjoining seat, he rose and carefully made his way down the aisle and waited as the train slowed to a halt.

The doors opened and the cold winter evening air hit Josh as he made his way onto the platform and down the metal stair case, each step echoing in the dark. Josh glanced at his watch, it had been a gift from Tyler and on the back were engraved the words 'You are the calm to my storm', the message made him smile but the time did not, 6.16pm.

Josh cursed to himself. The train was later than usual and Josh knew that Tyler expected him home by exactly 6. With that in mind, he began a brisk walk back to their house, and hoped that Ty wouldn't be too agitated or upset by his tardiness.

10 minutes later, and a little out of breath from walking quickly, Josh arrived home and hastily walked up the stone path which divided their front lawn in two. The gravel crunched under his shoes and the motion sensor flicked the porch light on. His cold fingers fumbled around the key, but eventually it twisted and the door opened. Josh wanted to find Ty and check he was okay as soon as possible, but he knew that his husband would only get more upset if Josh didn't follow the routine they had in place.

First he placed his briefcase in the wicker basket that Tyler had installed specially, then he took off his blazer and hung it on the third hook on the left. Next he had to take off his left shoe and put it on the rack designated for black shoes, then take off his sock and put on a new one from the drawer without letting his bare foot touch the ground. He placed the worn sock in the appropriate basket, and then repeated the process for his right foot. As his concern grew for Tyler, Josh began to hop towards the kitchen whilst pulling his sock on.

"Tyler?" Josh called out as he jogged to find him, "Ty, sweetie? I'm sorry I'm late, but I'm here now,"
Josh's eyes scanned the room, he noticed the mail was arranged on the breakfast bar just as Tyler liked it; Josh's letters on the far left in ascending size, then Tyler's, then junk. The couple always opened their mail together at 7.14, after they had eaten dinner and cleared away. His train of thought was interrupted by a whimper.

Josh walked around the breakfast bar, feeling both relief that he had found Tyler and apprehension for what state the man would be in. He crouched down as he spotted Tyler huddled in a ball.

"Hey Ty, can I sit here?" Josh gestured to the ground beside him, and took Tyler's lack of protest as permission. "I'm sorry I'm late sweetie, my train was delayed but I'm here now."

Tyler said nothing and continued to stare into the distance, his grip not loosening from around his knees. Josh placed his hand on Tyler's bicep, his fingers ran parallel to the tattooed bands above his elbow. At first Tyler flinched, but then Josh felt the tension in the muscle relax, and his hand slid down to join Tyler's. Josh lifted their linked hands up to his lips and kissed Tyler's, but got no reaction.

After a brief moment of silence, Tyler lowered his head on to Josh's shoulder and let out the start of a sentence but the words were indiscernible through the tears he was failing to choke back.

"Sshh Ty, it's okay, it's okay." Josh mumbled with his chin pressed against the top of his husband's head. "Take as long as you need, it's okay. You don't need to explain, I understand alright? But listen, I can fix it. It's 6.30 now, so we have forty four minutes to have dinner. I have some beef bolognese saved in the freezer, if you give me 15 minutes then I can cook some spaghetti and have everything served with enough time to eat and wash up, and then everything is back to schedule, yeah? Does that sound okay?"