Fear Will Lose // twenty one pilots // Joshler

Chapter 22

Sunday morning came and, as agreed, Josh went to Church alone. Despite Tyler being in hospital, Josh still chose to sit in their usual seats.

Once the sermon came to an end, he quickly left the building and hurriedly walked home to escape the cold.

It was now mid December and snow was beginning to fall but hadn't yet begun to settle. Josh couldn't help but think of Tyler and his poetry; they often joked about how his favourite season was winter because snow made for the saddest metaphors.

He smiled as he saw the various Christmas decorations beginning to appear in people's houses, and made a mental note to sort out what he and Tyler would be doing for Christmas that year.

The previous year they had almost decided on doing nothing as Tyler was struggling so severely, but eventually ended up going to the Joseph family Christmas lunch. It hadn't ended well, so Josh was hopeful that this year would be better but was also cautious not to push Tyler and make the same mistakes two years running.

As Josh entered the empty house, he followed the procedure that Tyler insisted upon.

They had been working on getting rid of most of Tyler's rituals before he had taken a turn for the worse, but honestly Josh didn't mind them.

He liked that sometimes Tyler would kiss him 16 times before work because the first 15 weren't right, and it made him feel safe that he checked that the door was definitely locked 8 times before they could go to bed. He found it cute how Tyler still jumped over all the cracks in the path and couldn't tie his own laces or necktie.

It wasn't the actions Josh hated, it was the reasoning behind the actions.

Josh preferred to let himself think that it was cute he couldn't tie laces, rather than the reality that Tyler's head automatically began to tie a noose and it took all his will power to resist. The thought that Tyler jumped down the sidewalk like a little kid was better than knowing Tyler was being told that Josh would die if he stepped on a crack.

The reality was that OCD was not cute or quirky, it was terrifying and cruel and ruining their life.

Josh went upstairs and changed out of his suit and into more casual clothes to wear to Jay's basketball game.

He quickly checked and replied to a few work emails, then printed off a photo of him and Ty from a good patch that October. They had gone pumpkin picking for Halloween with Lily, from Ty's hospital, and her little sister. Lily had taken her camera and it resulted in some adorable couple photos. Josh smiled at the picture, then found the letter he had written to Sukki and slipped it in. Finally he stuck on the correct stamps and took it with him as he walked out of the house and to his car.

Half an hour later he had posted the letter and parked at Campbell.

"Heya," Josh greeted Tyler once he finally found him. Unusually he wasn't in his bedroom, and was instead sat in one of the shared areas with two other patients.

"Oh hi," Tyler said once he noticed him, and Josh lent down and pecked him on the lips. "Is it time to go?"
"No not yet, I'm a bit early."
"Okay, do you wanna go to my room?"
"I don't mind babe, we can stay in here if you want." Josh said and Tyler nodded. "Scoot up then." He added, walking around the couch and sitting in the space that Tyler had just made for him.

"Cute hat," Tyler said, referring to the backward Cavs hat that Josh had put on.
"Cuter on you," Josh replied, taking it off and putting it on Tyler's head which was received with an adorable giggle as it slipped in front of his face. Tyler gave it back a moment later, then found Josh's hand and held it.