Fear Will Lose // twenty one pilots // Joshler

Chapter 18

"Josh, are you ready to go to Church?" Tyler called from the bathroom as Josh sat on the bed. He was dressed in a shirt and suit trousers but was half asleep.

"Alright sweetie?" Ty asked as he walked into the bedroom and stood opposite him.
"Uh, yeh," he said sleepily.
"You're gonna fall asleep during the service," Tyler teased softly, picking a thin black tie from the rack and turning Josh's collar up before wrapping it around his neck and pulling it to the right length on both sides.

"I'll do it thanks," Josh yawned as Tyler fumbled in an attempt to tie the knot.

He quickly took it from Tyler and tied it, then folded his collar back down and stood up.

"You want a tie today?" Josh asked.

"Yes please, if you're comfortable with me wearing one," Tyler said with a shy smile.

Josh knew he was sometimes overprotective but at the same time he also wanted to make sure Tyler was as safe as he could possibly arrange. For quite a while he hadn't allowed Ty to wear ties as he had gone through a phase of tying ligatures as a form of self harm, but Josh came to the conclusion that Tyler would be okay today.

"Yeah that's fine with me, just take it off and give it to me if you need to step out during the service at all, and same for when we come home afterwards."
"Okay I will, thank you." Tyler replied and Josh went back to the rack and selected a light pink tie to go with the grey suit Ty was wearing.

"Turn your collar up sweetie," Josh said through another yawn, and Tyler followed the instruction.
"Pink? Dude, that's hella gay," Tyler kidded as Josh perfectly completed the knot. When Josh didn't respond to the joke, he continued.

"Damn, guess I'll just have to embrace the gay." Then leant in to kiss Josh. They kissed briefly on the lips, but Josh was too tired and was more focused on the idea of sleep than flirting.
"So tired," he explained, rubbing his face.

"Did you sleep okay last night?" Tyler inquired calmly as he walked to the counter and tapped it four times.
"I mean it wasn't great, but it wasn't awful." Josh replied honestly.

"Are you worried about me?" Tyler asked sincerely, sitting down on the bed again. "You're tired all the time at the moment; you're not worrying through the night again are you?"
"Course I'm worried, you lemon," Josh said, sitting too.

"Josh you don't need to worry, and I know that won't stop you, but honestly I'm okay,"
"I know you're okay, you're doing great." Josh told him, "But things change quickly and I know that things have been happening for you recently, hallucinations, and I can't help but be concerned."
"Yeh, but they're probably just flukes, right? They don't mean anything, like it doesn't mean I'm going to have a full event again, they're just isolated episodes. I'm gonna be okay, aren't I?" Tyler said, trying to reassure himself as well as Josh.

Josh couldn't promise Tyler that he wasn't going to have a full psychotic event and in his heart he had a strange sense that one was imminent, but he could tell his husband was trying to mask his fear and needed to be comforted.

"Yeah you're gonna be just fine, you're right, they're probably nothing. And Dr Casey did say that things might take a while to adjust to your new meds so maybe it's a result of that."
"Yeah," Tyler said, thinking about it.

"Should we get going to Church sweetie? And you're gonna have to keep prodding me if I fall asleep."

"Josh, I'll be back in a minute." Tyler whispered half way through the service.

They had sat on the pew closest to the staff break room like they did every week, and Tyler had permission to use it whenever he felt unwell. Everybody who worked there, and the majority of the people who attended the service, knew and therefore the seats were always saved for them.