Blind Emotions

20. Broken

It must have been a sight to see; the broken girl across from her broken brother sobbing her eyes out. Tears puddle between my fingers as I covered my face with my hands ashamed they were seeing me in such a vulnerable state as I wept on.

I hear someone call my name but I ignore it too distracted by the gut wrenching sounds of my sobs leaving my mouth filling the room. They sound like a child crying for their late mother. But the difference was I wasn't only crying for my mother, I was crying for Jessica, her mate: April, Dane, even my father, but most importantly me.

I cried for all the things I never got; a mother who raised and nurtured me, a father who wasn't a complete psychopath, constant love, happiness, being read stories at night, or being comforted when I had a nightmare. Just absolutely everything.

I'm knocked out of my thoughts when feel myself being hugged tightly and look up to see Jayden, my face getting cold the wetness on my face hitting the cool air around us as sobs continued leaving my mouth.

I look into his eyes and see my father. The scars that mar my body start to burn in turn making me cry harder but I don't pull away.

"You asked me how I live with myself, well I don't." he starts, snapping me out of my thoughts making me look up into his eyes. "I torture myself over the jokes you never laughed at, or you never having the chance to watch me as I grew up, and vice versa. I want you to know that I will spend the rest of my days trying to give you the life you deserved. I will live my whole life trying to earn your forgiveness if that's what it takes." He hugs me tighter to his body letting me wet his shirt not moving and only focusing on talking to me trying to calm me.

Even after his betrayal I miss this. When he would pull me close as my wounds healed, even if he was in pain bleeding too, he muffled my sobs so my father couldn't hear and held me. Even if I said I hated him it would be a lie.

He was my brother.

My blood. 

He fed me and hid me as a child. He tried to protect me from our father all the time. He made selfish choices but that's all he knew in life, it was all he was taught, it doesn't justify what he did but it helps me to know he's not all bad, just misunderstood.

He pulls away from me with visible tear stains on his gray shirt, as he turns to Adam who was giving me a pitiful look that I turn away from. I feel Killian grab my waist engulfing me in a hug as I shove my tear stained face into his shoulder, trying to smother the hiccups that kept recurring already embarassed.

I could hear Adam and Jayden as they exit the room leaving just me and Killian in the parlor with my hiccups as the only thing sounding throughout the room, him rubbing my back lightly.

I look up to him to see his hazel eyes staring back at my gold and white ones, the pity is clear in them but I don't look away, just focus on the warmth they emit. I stay staring at him longer than I should have but I abruptly stop noticing we were inching closer. I hurriedly stand up making him pull back as well in surprise.

"I'm going to go for a run." I say spontaneously heading to the door.

"I'll go with you." He says as he stands up but I look back and give him a disapproving look.

"No don't. I'll be fine, you should go call Olivia or handle pack business or something important." I say dismissive.

"But you are important." He says and from the look of shock and sincerity on his face I can see he didn't mean to say that out loud.

"But not enough." I say finally leaving his disappointed figure as I head towards the back door of the house.

I make it outside feeling the chill breeze blow through my hair itching to go for a run I head outside. Not having any real destination I strip off my clothes putting them in a bush as I shift feeling the pain of my bones transforming, I hear as they grate against my muscle lightly as I finally shift into my wolf.