Blind Emotions

19. Forgiving

She looks at me, "Sorry about this Ever. Alpha's orders." And before I even have time to ask what she meant she pushes me inside the room letting me hear the sound of the lock click through the air.

I turn around facing the smells in here, "Oh what the fuck Elbrus?" I look at him avoiding Jayden and Adam's eyes.

"Sorry, but you can't avoid him forever."

I set a hard glare at him, "I could have tried. Now we'll never know!"

He shakes his head before motioning at the only seat available in the room; next to him. I sit avoiding all their eyes and glance at my brother.

"What can I do to make you believe that I'm sorry?" He enquires his elbows rested on his knees as he awaits desperately for the answer that I didn't have.

"I do believe your sorry, I just don't forgive you." I shrug, trying hard to not let my emotions run amoc.

He roughly sits back in his chair rubbing the bridge of his nose, "Stop being so stubborn it happened now its time to let go of it E just-"

"Don't call me that." I order surprising him.

"What? E?" I growl lowly giving him a short nod, "Why not I used to call you that when we were kids?"

"If you haven't noticed Jayden we're not kids anymore." I state matter of factly, noticing the slight flinch on his face at me calling him by the name he abandoned along with me. "Seems like I'm not the only one that doesn't like their childhood name."

He shakes his head as the frustration from my difficulty finally gets to him, "Why won't you forgive me? God your just as stubborn as father." My eyes flash with anger at his insinuation.

I abruptly stand up my controlled anger finally erupting from his words, "I'm nothing like him. If anyone is like him it's you, you selfish bastard."

He stands up as well facing me head on, our eyes locking giving an unwavering stare competition, "How was I selfish? I left with the intention of coming back to you! I did come back!"

"You left me there. You knew he would engage me to someone to replace you!" I point an accusing finger at him as redness flushes his face.

"I didn't think he was gonna engage you at 11! I thought I had time!"

"So you admit it!" I say throwing my hands in the air, his mouth opens to fire back but I had a better question for him to answer, "Time for what?!"

He places his hands on my face, holding my head in place as he looked at me in desperation as if physical contact would make his message clearer, "To get stronger, smarter, to come back and fight for you."

"I didn't need you to be smarter, or stronger, I didn't even need to be rescued." I smile grimly grasping his hands gently pulling them off my face and releasing them, "I would have traded all that because all in all; I just needed you." I state rubbing my eyes trying to push back the unrelenting stinging.

"Ever don't you get it? You wouldn't have me if I stayed, Father would have killed me, and then what? You would have been stuck there."

"Do you honestly think that I needed you to escape, because if you haven't noticed I did pretty fine without you?" I say motioning to my current circumstances.

"No Ever- ugh-" he groans running his hands through his hair in fustration. "You can't deny that me leaving gave you strength."

My mouth opens in shock at his words. He was trying to say that if he didn't leave I wouldn't have been able to survive, and the image I had in my head shattered. I thought when he left, he died out there, because it was inconceivable we could survive without eachother. And now here he sat alive and well telling me he didn't die but lived and became better and knew he would because he could survive without me. He wanted so badly to be my hero, that he missed the part where he was supposed to save the girl.

I immediately turn my face blank for my next words, "Gave me strength? You're pathetic you know that. How can you live with yourself knowing you left me there to die and claim that it benefited both of us." Jayden sits down his face showing hurt.

"Did I even cross your mind when you left, when you joined your new pack?"

"Of course you did, all the time. I just hoped Father actually had mercy."

"Were you that naïve? Father didn't even know how to spell mercy, let alone give it." I look at him with disbelief clearly showing on my face.

"Don't you understand, I left to save you. I was going to get stronger and come back and fight for you!"

I ignore him, "Damn it Jayden! You're not a hero! You act just like father when you sit there and try to justify your wrongs when in reality you were wrong the whole time. You can never admit that your more like him then either of us." I say in despair.

"Everest enough!" I hear Killian shout out noticing my brother's emotional state as Adam wraps his arms around Jayden.

"Why is it that you got everything. What did I do wrong for me to get abused and betrayed by family, my best and only friend murdered, oh and lets not forget about my eye." I chuckle darkly letting my bitterness be known. Looking at Killian and Adam's eyes shining with pity I turn back to my brother who had silent tears fall down his face dripping off his chin as he held onto Adams arms wrapped around him, "You want my forgiveness? For what? You've done nothing for me but be a selfish prick who tries to justify himself instead of trying to realize he did me wrong. Do you get it?!" I stand up stepping closer to him with every word that fell out of my mouth, "Your. Decision. Was. Wrong!" I stop only a foot a way from him.

His eyes are brimming with tears and Adam looks like his wolf is about to take over as one of his eyes is flooding with the familiar black of werewolves, "Everest I know you're my friend but stop being such a cold bitch to my mate." He growls out.

Killian growls about to say something but I beat him to it, "Fuck you Adam! He's not upset at my words he's upset because they're true." I look at him, "Am I right or am I wrong." He looks away shamefully making Adam sit in the chair with him hugging him close. "The truth hurts doesn't it?" I question crossing my arms across my chest.

"I'm so sorry Everest." he says as his voice cracks, "I admit I shouldn't have left without you, I shouldn't have taken so long to come get you. It just kept my guilt at bay if in my head you were growing up just waiting for me to swoop you away from there, when in reality you were suffering. I'm sorry ok?" he says before sobbing into Adam's shoulder as Adam pulls him into his lap.

I sit down in my seat looking at nothing in particular, maybe I deserved this. I deserve this life, in which I have a pitiful fate. Having a mate that loves someone else more than their own mate. But I do know that I deserve to have a chance at happiness and my conversation with Olivia shows she knows me and Killian are getting closer, so maybe this is my chance.

Thinking of all my past and future deeds I start to get a headache falling into the rabbit hole that is my regrets. Before I could stop myself I started to voice the pain that I kept to myself in this fucked up therapy session.

"It hurt a lot you know." I can feel their stares on me, "When Jessica died and you left it took all the good from me. I lost all hope and became a bitter person which I kind of still am. I tried for a while to be defiant like you would tell me to be. But he beat me till I lost everything; my will to live, my defiance, my hope." Killian went to grab my hand but I flinched lost in my memories he looked hurt but I was too numb to care.

He put his arm around my shoulder which I focused on. How the tingles shot like little pleasant pin pricks letting me know this is real.

I closed my eyes taking in his scent. Suddenly I feel something tickling my face. I open my eyes to everyone looking at me in shock, furrowing my eyebrows, I reach up touching my face, pulling my fingers back to see them glisten with water.

Tears.

I stared at them for a second as everyone's eyes were still wide, before the recognition of them broke me, as a choked sound erupted from my throat, Killians grip on me getting tighter in worry. And for the first time in 8 years. I sobbed.