I'll Help You Hide From Them

Gap in the Security

Kier offers to take me to my kitchen to make breakfast.

"Anything you want in particular?" He checks, seeming surprised at how full my cupboards are.

"I'm not really hungry." I mumble.

"You should still eat. I understand that after what just happened you've lost your appetite but I find eating makes me stop thinking about whatever I'm worried about." He points out.

"I'll put it this way, it's tough eating remembering..." I can feel some sick oozing into the back of my mouth at just the thought, remembering all of the sucking noises Shane was making when he was eating my finger. The more I think of the memory, the more my mind decides to foreground it, making this feel like I'm still having my finger eaten and Ralph's shooting, working with Kier is all part of my imagination. Even though I'm sure I'm not cooking anything, the smell of meat creeps into my mind, making the experience more worrying for me.

A sharp click snaps me out of it from Kier clicking his fingers in front of my eyes to bring me back to the present.

"Sorry, you were saying something?" I check, gripping tightly to the solid counter to reassure myself that I'm not actually still tied to that chair being cut up.

Kier looks a little stumped on what's just happened, furrowing his brow a little. "I wasn't saying anything you don't already know. Just promise me you'll have something later on today?" He gently suggests.

"I will, I'll just go for some tea for now." I decide.

He opens up my tea cupboard and is instantly surprised by the different variations I have. I decide to help him out by picking out the tea I'm feeling like now.

"Is there anything you want to try?" I offer.

"I'll have what you're having." He shrugs.

"Sorry, I can understand them being a little overwhelming. Here, let me help." I reassure, boiling the water.

"It's fine." Kier smiles. "I guess you didn't strike me as the hibernation type." He cheerfully adds.

I tremble at the sound of this, remembering how Ralph had written something identical in his book. I instantly cover my mouth as my eyes water up.

"What is it? What did I say?" Kier gasps.

I just manage to shake my head. "You remind me of Ralph. He had written that in his book when we first met." I manage, forcing myself to calm down.

Kier pulls me into a hug to calm me down. "I remember asking him why he'd sleep with so many people if he didn't love them. He told me that he did because there was someone he loved more than any of the girls who he couldn't be with and that he was just going with other girls to almost give the one he loved permission to move on as well. That person was you, wasn't it?" He works out.

"He told you that?" I whimper weakly.

"I was too mad at him to work it out until now." He admits.

I tighten my grip on him. "I don't know if he felt the same way." I sob.

"I can't speak for him but I'm sure he did. You were the only name in his book that he cared about. With what he told me, I'm sure you were the one he loved but couldn't have." He soothingly whispers.

"I miss him so much." I whimper.

"Tell you what, since I think this is what he would've wanted, why don't I take you somewhere where you could meet someone new? There's a bar doing some sort of blind date night for both straight and gay people-" He starts.

"-I'm not gay!" I warn.

He looks a little surprised but understands. "I know, you don't like guys, you don't like anyone generally but you loved my brother so maybe you can find yourself another intimate friend to get over him." He suggests.

"If the department finds out-" I start.

"-They won't, Drew. It's none of their business." He reassures. "If they come asking questions, I can put them on a different track. Two guys can hang out, be together, without being involved if you get what I mean." He points out.

This makes me relax. "Thank you Kier, I'm sorry I'm such a freak."

He frowns at the sound of this. "You're not a freak, what makes you a freak?"

"I'm bad at talking to people, I only have you and Ryan as friends and I'm fucking disabled." I whimper. "I can't sleep. I keep breaking down into a pathetic mess and I have fake limbs. I think all of those factors add up to someone being a freak."

"Drew, trust me, I know you and you certainly aren't a freak. You've been through a lot and the pressure does get to you but do you really think I'd be your friend or even your partner if you were a freak? You're not. You're just being too hard on yourself." He tries.

"I bet the officers trying to protect me don't think so." I mutter.

"Please don't think that, Drew. You might not be very good around people but you're worth protecting." He tells me.

"I don't know. It's just too easy to think that if I just died when I was supposed to, Ralph would still be alive." I sigh.

"Well that's not true." Kier reminds me as he heads to check up on the officers watching from their car, seeing as there's no sign of the others. I'm about to use this to leave the house to be able to make it to my appointment with Dr. Illingworth when his reaction throws me off.

He only opens the door a fraction before going pale.

"What did they do now?" I groan.

"Drew, I think you should stay in the house." He shakily tells me.

"Why?" I carefully ask.

He doesn't answer, slamming the door shut and going straight for the phone. "Yes, I need to speak to Captain Beveridge immediately. Yes, I'll hold."

"Kier what is going on?" I ask.

He just shakes his head at me before continuing to talk on the phone. I use this to take a look through a window, flinching when a child turns up and starts writing a message on the window.

"Hello little lamb."