ME: Lost

Sanity

Weeks passed. Kaidan grew despondent. He knew exactly what he needed to do. His dad's truck was gone so he'd have to walk, but once he got to the nearest town he could catch a shuttle into the city. Any large hospital would have the supplies and capability to fix his brain, or at least slow the damage. Despite knowing this, he couldn't seem to get out the door.

Every morning he woke up at the same time, packed his Alliance issued duffel, and laced up his boots. Habit, structure, sameness. But when he reached the front door, bag slung over his shoulder, he couldn't walk through. Terror clawed at his throat, bile churned in his stomach. Pushing through the fear and reaching for the doorknob always ended with him on his knees, retching onto the wooden floor.

Later, his analytical brain would diagnose this as fear caused by the madness. With that understanding in mind, he'd go to sleep, content that the next morning would be different.

Shame and fear started to fester in his soul. He was the strongest, the fastest of any biotic he knew. He'd passed every Alliance test with flying colors, and yet couldn't walk through a simple door.

After several weeks, he stopped trying. No need to leave, there was plenty of food in the house. He would just live there forever.

At least the dreams were gone.

Darkness pounded at his brain as he sat upright in bed. Something had startled him awake. Something familiar.
That voice. Calm now, but sad. It was calling his name.
Come back to me, Alenko. I don't think I can do this without you!

Tossing the covers off and leaping from the bed, he hurried down the hall. The door stood closed as always, mocking him for his fear. This time he stood there with his hand on the knob, no duffel, no boots, no panic, just the soothing voice calling from the other side.

Shoving the door open, Lt. Alenko stepped into the harsh light.

<><><>

Jae Shepard hunched over her desk. A single lamp illuminating the data-pads stacked in front of her. Numbers and letters swam in front of her eyes, and she knew she was finally tired enough to sleep. Futile really. It didn't matter how long she waited, how exhausted she was, the dreams still came.

The rest of the ship lay in eery silence, only a skeleton crew watched over it during the sleep cycle. Although, thought Shepard, Liara was probably awake as well. Her job as the new Shadow Broker required long days and even longer nights. Her old friend had begun to show some wear and tear. The asari's pale blue face seemed hollow these days, dark smudges under her eyes whispering a tale of too little sleep and too much stress.

Jae sighed, rubbing her own eyes tiredly. Tomorrow she would have to have a chat with Liara. She couldn't afford a teammate collapsing from exhaustion, too much was at stake.

Stripping her wrinkled uniform from her shoulders, she stepped into the shower, letting hot water stream over sore muscles. The steam soothed her ragged mind, fogging up the room until she could barely see.

Shepard closed her eyes, thinking over their current mission. What in the hell was Hackett thinking assigning her this task? She wasn't a diplomat. Anderson was down on Earth somewhere, fighting for his life while she sat at conference tables and made nice.

Thinking about Earth hurt, stung like an open wound, and now the Turian Primarch was asking for the impossible. She rested her head against the cold tile and shoved away the awful thoughts. She was Commander Shepard. She was expected to achieve the impossible. She would push down the fears, the doubts, and she would do it...for Earth.

Hot water grew warm, then cool and she finally stepped out and toweled off. If the dreams didn't come tonight she'd get a solid 4 hours of sleep. When had that become a luxury?

A green light flashed from her private console, heralding a new message. As Commander of the Normandy she received two to three dozen messages a day, always something else to do, somewhere else to go. This one could probably wait until tomorrow, but she couldn't help herself. Maybe it was good news this time. Shepard crossed the room and punched a command into the keypad, swallowing nervously as she read the brief note.

Dr. Michel, Huerta Memorial Hospital
Location: Presidium, Citadel
Shepard,
He's awake.
-CM