ME: Lost

Visitors

The knock on the door surprised Kaidan. The nurses never bothered and he'd had no visitors except Udina, who'd left barely ten minutes earlier. At his reply, a tall redheaded female stepped through the door.

Kaidan forgot to breathe.

He'd studied his commander's military portrait thoroughly over the last few days, but it didn't even begin to do her justice. Her hair was longer now, pulled back into a soft bun at the nape of her neck. The new hairstyle amplified the sharp angles of her jaw, and gave her an air of quiet determination. Her figure attested to the strength required of an Alliance marine, yet remained surprisingly graceful as she crossed the room.

When she reached the side of his bed, his attention was immediately drawn to her eyes. To say they were green was an understatement. Bright emerald in the middle, deep forest around the edges, and every other shade of green in between the two.
Those eyes tightened in concern, and Kaidan realized she'd asked a question.

Shit, how long had he been staring like an idiot? What did she say?

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Jae crinkled her nose in concern as she stared at the man in front of her. His eyes slowly seemed to focus and his glazed look turned to one of mortification. "I'm so sorry, commander," He shook his head sheepishly. "I must have spaced out for a minute."

She smiled hesitantly, "How are you feeling, Kaidan?"

He looked like shit.

His bruised face boasted more purple on it than skin color. His nose, obviously broken, now angled slightly to the left. The bruises traveled down his neck, covering his chest, and reached the sheet draped over his lower half. She was afraid to even wonder how far down they went.

Worst of all were his eyes. They looked tired, defeated. She'd seen that expression before, but never from him. Of all the members of her crew, Kaidan was the one she spoke to when she needed encouragement; needed his unwavering faith in good, in humanity, and in her.

"I'm doing well, commander." He replied carefully. "The doctor is optimistic that I'll be back on my feet soon."

Jae's heart sank as she detected the strained neutrality in his voice. Was his detachment due to continued distrust of her Cerberus ties, or did he somehow blame her for failing to prevent his injury at the hand of a psychopathic robot?
No, she knew him better than that. She blamed herself for his trauma, but he'd never feel that way.

"How are you really doing?" She reached a hand out to gently squeeze his arm, "Things looked pretty bad after Mars."

His eyes darkened in confusion as he focused on her hand before jerking up to meet her gaze. "Commander, I..." His words faltered as he glanced down at his arm again. "I - uh - have you spoken to Dr. Michel?"

Shepard paused, all the confidence she'd built up over the last week vanishing. Why was he staring at her in horror and confusion?
"I was told Dr. Michel's in a meeting. The last message I received from her simply stated that you were awake."

"She's been very busy. The whole hospital is in chaos with the refugee situation. Even the councilor had to storm down here to find out why she hadn't returned his messages."

Shepard frowned at this new information, "Udina came here? What did that slippery bastard want?"

He chuckled, "I'm not sure, actually, he didn't stay long. That's all unimportant anyway. I'm sure Dr. Michel meant to file a report with you about my condition, but I guess she didn't have the time."

His formal address was starting to amuse her, and she had to bite her lip to keep from grinning.
If she didn't know better, she'd assume she was back on the SR1 listening to an after-action report. Even then she'd relied on him; before their friendship, before their relationship, when they were simply a lieutenant and his commander. His quiet summation of each mission had always brought clarity to the situation, even when he was boldly disagreeing with her.

Shepard inwardly shook herself. No need to delve too deeply into the past. Those memories, though sacred, often led to an emotional downward spiral. Entirely unhelpful in this case.

"...along with my implant becoming dislodged slightly, caused massive swelling." He'd obviously continued on, and she struggled to catch back up. "The swelling has since decreased, but I still have serious memory loss as a result."

She almost missed the words, hidden inside a dry recitation of medical facts, but as they registered she felt her hand tighten involuntarily on his forearm.

"How bad?" The words sounded hoarse and she struggled to breathe normally. "What do you...I mean...is it...." She let the question trail off, not sure she even wanted to know the answer.

"Complete loss, going back several years." His grimace seemed almost apologetic. "The last memory I have was right before I started serving on the Normandy. At least according to the timeline I pieced together from the Alliance's records."

Jae clenched her jaw, inhaling slowly through her nose. Fuck the Illusive Man. Fuck him to hell.