ME: Lost

Time

A distant pounding jerked Kaidan from his restless sleep.

Silence pressed at him in the darkness, and it took him a moment to realize the pounding radiated from his skull - a migraine lurking at the base of his neck, threatening to ruin the next twenty-four hours if he didn't take some medication soon. He sat up, rubbing his jaw. The room felt different, new. Something stirred in his mind, dancing at the edges of his consciousness, and he struggled to put his finger on it, sifting through what he remembered of his dream. Nothing concrete, just bits and pieces, feelings, emotions.

Billowing fire. The Normandy splinters in the cold darkness.
A single tiger-lily against the dark wood of a casket.
Excruciating pain as the agile gynoid slams his spine against the shuttle.
A split second of stunned horror as Jenkins tumbles to the ground.
Garrus and Tali teasing him about the methodical organization of his locker.
Ashley's voice yelling at him, determined yet sad.
A soft smile, bright green eyes sparkling with laughter.
Deep, agonizing betrayal as he pages through an Alliance report of Cerberus' new recruit.

Kaidan froze. His scattered thoughts sharpening into an overwhelming realization. It's all there. Every sound and every sight, perfectly organized. He could smell the sharp earthy stench of the Thorian's lair. He could feel the icy blast of the subzero temperatures on Noveria. He could hear his heart beating as he knocked on a closed door the night before they arrived at Ilos.

His face suffused with heat as his mind latched onto that final memory, replaying every last aching detail.

<><><>

Shepard shifted on the mattress, turning to glance at the soft blue numbers her omni-tool projected towards the ceiling above her: 0400 hours. Sleep still clung to the edge of her consciousness, yet her mind was clear and focused. She'd slept last night, a sweet dreamless sleep. For the first time in months, the guttural voices of fear and accusation that lurked in the dark corners of her brain had remained silent.

She let her mind drift slowly over the events of the last few days, analyzing every choice. The memories were hazy, as if performed by another, but the guilt she felt was razor sharp. The woman in these images was a stranger, sharp and cold, saying and doing things that she'd never imagined of herself.

Shepard groaned and pulled herself up to a sitting position.

A soft knock startled her and she rose quickly, crossing the room to manually unlock the door.

Kaidan stood in front of her, buzzing with a restless energy. Heat burned in his eyes, familiar and thrilling. She caught her breath in confusion.

He strode deliberately into the room, tapping the console so the door swished closed behind him, and Shepard took a small step back, suddenly unsure of his intentions - their last conversation had not ended well.

"Kaidan, I need to apologize for-"

"That's not important right now."

"No, it is. I don't know why I-"

The thought disappeared as Kaidan slammed her back against the inlaid fish tank. His lips searched for hers, heavy and violent in their hunger. She leaned into the embrace, her body matching his desperate need, her hands gripping the curve of his neck. The room blurred around them.

After a minute, he slowed, shifting his weight back. Strong hands caressed her face, entwining in her hair as he leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I remember."

Jae pushed back, eagerly searching his eyes, "everything?"

The smile that broke across his face was all the answer she needed, and she rested her head back against the blue glass, "I've missed you."

His expression softened, "I'm here now," he murmured softly, as he pulled her close, "we'll make up for lost time."

<><><>

Comfortable silence hung over the room.

Kaidan brushed a finger over soft skin, tracing the outline of Shepard's shoulder as he watched her face.

She sighed in contentment, shifting on the bed to face him, "I'm glad you came back."

"Me too," he grinned, leaning over to kiss her freckled nose.

She closed her eyes, sliding an arm up to support her head. "Kaidan, I-" Shepard's face tightened, forehead pinched in discomfort, "-I didn't mean-"

"What's wrong?" He asked in concern as her words trailed away.

Her eyes slid open, meeting his gaze with regret.

"You were right about Udina, I lost control. I've never done that before. I saw him standing there, and all I could see were the victims. I heard their voices, begging, screaming at me to shoot him. But there was...there was someone else, a voice, taunting me. Telling me that you'd die if I didn't. I...I saw it, it showed me in my mind." Her face flushed and she glanced up, searching his face for disbelief.

Her voice was low as she continued, "I'm not crazy, Kaidan."

His chest ached at the angry, vulnerable light in her eyes, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"You're not crazy, Shepard. The amount of stress you've been under..." He tipped her chin back so he could look into her eyes, "you are the strongest person I know."