ME: Lost

Concern

Powerful engines hummed softly as Kaidan exited the airlock. The pilot had begun pre-flight procedures, signaling the crew to prepare for departure. Lights flashed softly as commands were entered. Voices hummed around him, soothing in their chaos. The ship seemed familiar, yet different.

The sight before him swirled into memories.

Joker reclines lazily in the low seat, a satisfied smirk plastered on his face.
"Just admit it," the pilot teases, "if your smile got any wider, your whole face would split in half."
He rolls his eyes, "I'm not smiling. I'm sitting here, calmly doing my job."
"Please, you've been grinning from ear to ear ever since the new XO arrived."
"Commander Shepard is a remarkable woman. And yes, I'll admit that she's attractive, but even if I were interested, there are too many rules standing in the way."
Joker laughs, "so you admit you've thought about it."
He grimaces, "I'm simply looking forward to working very closely with her."
A snort from the other seat prompts a hurried clarification.
"Not like that, Joker! Geez!"

"You gonna have a stroke or something?"

Kaidan jumped, startled to have the object of his memories appear in front of him. "Joker! It's good to see you."

The pilot rolled his eyes, "yeah, yeah, it's a big happy reunion. Do you mind? You're blocking my way."

"Oh, of course."

He stepped aside as Joker stomped past.

The metallic figure in the co-pilot's seat turned, fixing her unblinking eyes on him. "Please excuse Jeff. There is a specific routine he follows before each departure. He has trouble coping if any deviations occur."

"I heard that, EDI!" Joker tossed over his shoulder in annoyance.

"I know you did, Jeff."

Kaidan blinked, almost positive the rigid face had just smiled.

"Welcome, major," the AI continued, "I believe the commander left instructions for your quarters, please see Specialist Traynor for assistance."

<><><>

Jae paced the floor of her cabin, muttering to herself. Her brain skipped and stuttered, refusing to focus on any one thing.

Images of death bombarded her.

Thane, side wet with blood, eyes closed in prayer. Mordin, humming cheerfully as the room burned. The nameless boy, face white with fear.

Images from the beacon slammed into her mind, memories of nameless protheans mixing with those of her friends.

"Stop! Stop!" she cried, grasping the nearest item and hurling it at the wall, "get out of my head!"

"Shepard?"

She spun, gasping for breath.

"Liara-" she choked, grasping the desk in a desperate attempt to steady herself as the room tilted wildly around her.

Her friend's face twisted in fear, "what's wrong, Shepard?"

The room stilled, and Jae slumped against the desk.

"I can't stop seeing them. The memories. I can't-" she gripped her forehead in frustration, "-I can't get them out of my head."

Liara grasped her shoulders gently, eyes dark with concern, "Shepard, you look exhausted, how long did you sleep last night?"

"I didn't."

"And the night before that?"

Jae shook her head, too weary to answer.

"Why haven't you told anyone?! How long has it been, days?"

"If I sleep, I dream. It's easier to stay awake."

"How long?" the asari's voice sharpened, demanding a direct answer.

"Two weeks."

"Goddess-"

Shepard shoved away from her and stalked towards the bed. "I'm fine, really, I just get this headache every now and then."

Something crunched under her feet, and she glanced down in confusion. A broken picture frame lay in a field of shattered glass, the familiar image flickering erratically. She blinked slowly, trying to remember how it ended up there.

"I'm speaking to Dr. Chakwas," Liara spoke softly, "she'll have something to help you sleep."

"I don't want anything. I need to be sharp. I won't be much help in a crisis if I'm unconscious."

"Shepard, I don't know if you'd be much help in a crisis right now." The asari shook her head gently, "this is a request, as a friend who cares deeply for you, please let me help you."

<><><>

The observation deck glowed brightly as Kaidan entered and tossed his heavy duffel bag onto a bench. His head ached, a protest from his overworked brain.

Despite the pain, he was pleased with his progress.

The Normandy was an excellent catalyst. An afternoon of touring the ship had resulted in multiple flashbacks, and he worked carefully to arrange the countless new memories that jumbled in his mind. He was so preoccupied that he barely heard the door chime, turning just in time to see his guest enter.

"Major," Liara's pinched face radiated anxiety, "may I speak with you?"

He nodded, waving towards a set of chairs.

The asari settled into the seat, hands clasped in her lap, eyes tight with worry, "I'm worried about the commander."

She glanced up and when he simply nodded, she continued, "she's not herself anymore. I saw it when she confronted Udina. I believe you saw it as well."

Kaidan nodded again, waiting to comment until she finished.

"Her nightmares are getting worse. Much worse, and very rapidly. She's not sleeping, I don't think she's eating. I'm not sure what to do-"

"And you're hoping I can help?"

Liara shrugged, "I know she listens to you, or at least she used to. She needs a calming presence around her right now. Something to keep her from unraveling."

"I don't know that I'll do much good," Kaidan sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "it's gotten complicated, especially now."

"The medication Dr. Chakwas gave her should keep her sedated the rest of the evening and through the night. Please, Kaidan, try to talk to her then."