ME: Lost

Contact

Shepard groaned as she shoved her helmet into the locker. Her shoulders ached and her eyes burned.

"Why does Tuchanka have so much dust!" Garrus growled, jabbing a thin brush into the grooves separating the plates in his armor. "I swear I've never been anywhere as dismal as that pile of rubble. Why do we keep going back?"

"Admit it, Garrus, you secretly love it there," Liara giggled tiredly, "I bet Wrex would make you an honorary clan member."

"No thank you!"

Shepard smiled at her friends' antics, but was too weary to join in. She had too much on her mind to enjoy their customary post-mission routine. "I'll clean my gear later, I've got a few things I need to do."

She ignored their confused expressions and shoved away from the bench.

Light footsteps sounded behind her as she reached the lift, and she waited to close the doors until Liara stepped inside.

"You know he's just going to clean yours too," the asari grinned, "Garrus can't stand dirty gear sitting around."

Shepard rested her head against the wall, letting her eyes droop closed for a minute. "I know. Just trying to be helpful, keep him busy."

Liara smiled again, then paused, brows furrowing as she debated whether to ask a question. Curiosity won out. "Have you written the major yet?"

Jae clenched her jaw, "I'm really not interested in talking about it."

A strained silence closed over them, and she reluctantly opened her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Liara, I just- it's been weeks, I don't even know what to say now. I should have just sent a message the next day and been done with it."

Her friend nodded, graciously accepting the apology. "I know, but you made him a promise. Do you really want to throw everything away because it might be awkward?"

The elevator slowed to a stop, its doors sliding silently open.

"I'll write him tonight, I promise."

Shepard straightened her shoulders and stepped into the CIC. "Right now, a turian and a krogan need to have a polite conversation about a bomb."

<><><>

A single lamp glowed in the room as Shepard sat in front of her console. The empty window on the screen seemed to mock her.

An hour had passed since she'd locked the door, removed her boots, and sat at the desk.

An hour of nothing.

Liara's eyes would squint in disappointment tomorrow. The blue of her irises changed color easily, reflecting her current mood. A slight purple tint when she was angry, greenish when she was was upset. Tomorrow they would be gray. Did all asari have this trait? Or was Liara just special?

Shepard groaned and shoved her chair back in disgust. Another tangent, probably the fiftieth one her mind had taken tonight. How could writing a simple letter be so damn hard!

Maybe she needed a hot shower, something to ease the tension in her neck.

She'd just unbuttoned the top button of her uniform when a green light flashed and drew her attention. A new message.

Major Kaidan Alenko, SPECTRE Offices
Location: Presidium, Citadel
Commander,
Wanted to let you know a few things.
I'm not sure who I report to in the Alliance anymore, but since you were the last command I served with, I wanted to make sure you'd been notified. I know you're busy so I'll keep the personal communications brief.
Councilor Udina requested that I transfer to council authority as a SPECTRE. They're worried about security now more than ever, and I think he wanted to make sure one of his bodyguards was human.
As the only other human SPECTRE, I'd appreciate any advice you can give me.
Thank you for the suggestion to re-read old messages, it was a good one. I've even started remembering a few things. Just random snapshots here and there, but I think it's a good sign.
I know we both have more important responsibilities right now, but I would really like to discuss a few things with you. If you're still willing, please message me at your convenience.
M. K Alenko

Shepard closed out the window and finished undressing, forcing herself to shower slowly as she decided how to answer.

The words she wanted to say jumbled and sputtered each time she practiced, and by the time she was done all desire to reply had vanished.

Leaving the warm bathroom, she returned to the desk to read the message again...and again...and again.

Suddenly, she lurched to her feet, scrambled for the omni-tool she'd tossed onto the bed, and keyed in a command before she could talk herself out of it.

Her screen flickered gray, the image too dark to make out.

"Commander?"

Sounds shuffled in the background and with a 'click' the image lit up.

Kaidan's face filled the screen, eyes blurry with sleep.

"Oh-" Jae stuttered, as she realized in her haste she'd triggered an active call. "-I'm sorry, I figured you'd be asleep so I meant to just leave a message, but I guess I..."

She trailed off, face flushed.

"Well, I WAS asleep." He pressed his lips together, either angry or amused. Three years ago she'd have known immediately, but now...

She swallowed nervously, "I'm not normally flustered like this. You probably think all those reports you're reading are made up, but I promise you once thought I was a decent officer."

He chuckled, running a hand through his messy hair. Wavy curls stuck out in all directions and Shepard swallowed, willing her mind to forget that the last time she'd seen his hair so disheveled, it had been her hands that caused it.

"Well, commander, I did ask you to contact me at your convenience, so I guess I can't complain about the time." He shifted forward towards the screen, then glanced down. This time it was his face that flushed pink. "Uh...let me get a shirt on, and I'll call you back, ma'am."

The image blinked out, and Jae laughed in relief. He was exactly as she remembered - familiarity in one sentence and formality the next, to cover embarrassment.

Perhaps this wasn't a lost cause after all.