ME: Lost

Frustration

Dr. Michel slumped at her desk, exhaustion overwhelming any desire to return to her duties. Udina's angry diatribe still rang in her ears.

When would things get better?

She could feel the tension building. Reports arrived daily about violence in the wards. No one was happy with the constant stream of refugees, especially since most seemed to be either human or batarian. If something didn't change soon, the war outside the Citadel would be the last thing the council needed to worry about.

Her communicator beeped faintly from under her bookshelf where she'd hurled it earlier in frustration.

"Doctor?" A muffled voice followed the beep.

Too weary to scrabble under the shelf after it, Chloe stepped to the door and shoved it open. Her assistant sat at the desk in the office's outer room, speaking into the small device that hung around her neck.

"Yes, Keyora?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, doctor, but an Alliance officer arrived to see you about 30 minutes ago. She was directed to a..." Keyora consulted the computer console briefly, "...Major Alenko's room. You were busy with the Councilor, so I didn't..."

The door slammed loudly as the doctor flew from the office.

<><><>

The scene that greeted her in the hospital room exuded tension. Major Alenko's face bore a false calm, but his eyes betrayed confusion. Next to him, the commander's shoulders hunched stiffly in anger.

"I'm so sorry to-" Chloe stepped towards the bed, pausing as her eyes fell on the intimate way Shepard's hand squeezed Alenko's arm.

Coughing delicately to cover her discomfort she dragged her eyes back to her friend's pale face. "-to, uh, to keep you waiting. I was held up in a meeting with Councilor Udina..."

"No apology necessary, doctor," Shepard stood quickly, her tone impassive, polite. "but perhaps we could further discuss Major Alenko's condition in private?"

Dr. Michel grimaced apologetically at Kaidan as she followed yet another of his visitors out the door.

<><><>

Shepard sank onto the couch stuffed awkwardly in the corner of the office. All the fight drained out of her and she rubbed both palms down the sides of her face and neck. "It's bad, isn't it?"

The doctor opened her mouth to apologize again, but Jae cut her off. "Please don't. We are all tasked to the limit right now. I know you're doing the best you can." She pressed a finger to each temple, a familiar headache just starting to pound at her skull. "He can't remember anything?"

"Nothing of the past four years. As far as I can tell, his memories from before that time are intact."

"Besides that? Physically? He mentioned something about his implant?"

"Other than the memory loss, he's healing well. His implant did add to the trauma on his brain, but we were able to stabilize it, and the swelling is almost gone at this point. Several ribs were broken, some internal bleeding, but thankfully his spine wasn't damaged. All in all, he's recovered rather quickly. I've instructed him to refrain from using his biotics while he's healing, but I don't believe he'll suffer from any problems in that capacity once he's allowed to use them again."

Shepard closed her eyes in relief, "Tell me about his memory loss."

Doctor Michel sighed, "Physically, there's no reason his memory can't return. At this point we are simply waiting. The mind will heal itself when it's ready, any interference on our part could aggravate the problem."

"What can I do? To help bring his memories back, I mean."

"Simply talk to him, remind him of himself."

<><><>

Kaidan shifted on the bed in annoyance. He was so tired of this hospital, of being trapped in this little room and only able to interact with the world when someone deigned to visit.

His short interaction with Commander Shepard still confused him.

The familiarity she showed didn't line up with the reports he'd read. N7 status, SPECTRE appointment, sole survival on a planet filled with thresher maws; all these accomplishments in her file painted a stark picture of a lone wolf, a survivor, someone who started and finished things on her own.

Even worse, the level of intimacy he'd inferred didn't line up with what he remembered of his own character. Emotional connections were something he'd avoided since the incident with Rahna, and a relationship with a commanding officer - well, that went against everything he'd ever worked towards.

He grunted in frustration, rubbing his neck viciously.

Time passed very slowly in this room. As long as he was stuck here, he remained at the mercy of others. They visited on their timetable and chose to leave when it suited them. Just once he'd like to have a full conversation with someone before they hurried out of the room.

Kaidan started to chuckle as he realized the childish tone in his thoughts. Being cooped up in this damn hospital was NOT good for him at all.

<><><>

Kaidan,
I'm sorry to leave this vid instead of talking in person; I didn't want to wake you, and I had to get back to the Normandy. The Council demanded a report, and now we have to get to Sur'Kesh as soon as possible.
Even so, I should have come back.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. This probably sounds harsh, but I just can't focus on this right now.
I don't mean that in the way it sounds...I just...damn it...I have so many people depending on me...I can't screw this all up.
I...I don't want to screw us up either.
If you haven't already, try to read back through your old messages. Hopefully you kept them all. What am I saying, of course you did!
They'll explain some of the last couple years.
I'll message you as much as I can, and we'll be coming back to the Citadel soon. I promise.
Stay safe Kaidan.