northern downpour

positive [thom x ara]

inspired by a writing prompt i read on tumblr it's short since it's supposed to be a flash fiction 

warning: this is unedited, as in kung pano ko siya sinulat months ago, ganun ko na din siya pinost & sabi ko na thomara ito pero since wala namang names, feel free to imagine any ship / anyone hehe

it sucks i'm sorry huhu

***

Sat on my bed, I stared at the white rectangular object in my hand. Who knew that such small thing could change one's life forever? 

I have taken a lot of tests in my almost 20 years of existence, each I wanted to always excel and get the best results possible. But this latest test I took, the one that is in my shaking grip, is one test I badly wanted to fail.

The sound of my phone ringing brought me back to reality. I quickly kept the pregnancy test inside my bedside drawer, making sure to bury it amongst the clutters of random papers and other junk inside. 

I grabbed my phone and took a glance at the caller ID. I closed my eyes momentarily; the last person I wanted to interact with right now is calling me. Oh fate, why must you test me like this? With a deep sigh, I accepted his call.

"Hey," I breathed.

"Hey, are you feeling better? You weren't answering my messages so I had to call." He said. He sounded worried and that's the last thing I wanted from him right now, to notice that there's something wrong—different. I mean, I would tell him eventually, of course, I just don't think now is the right time.

"Uh yeah. I just took some pills for my migraine, nothing to worry about," I lied. I hate lying to him, but this is the only thing I can do right now. I had to cut our lunch short earlier because I was feeling nauseous and I forgot to text him that nothing is wrong, well not in that way, anyway.

I've been experiencing signs of pregnancy here and there for almost a month now, but I was always so busy with trying to juggle university and training that I shrugged it off as nothing. 

I thought I would eventually get better, but when I realized my period was way later than usual plus my recent nausea, I knew I had to check and well, I don't know whether or not to be happy that I did.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No! I mean, I'm fine, really. I was just tired. You know with the finals week coming up, I haven't gotten any decent sleep. Quit worrying about me, okay? Focus on your finals."

I heard him sigh, but he eventually let the topic go. "Fine, but take a rest too. Don't overwork yourself."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine. I'll see you after finals, okay? Love you." I assured him, and with a quick I love you too from him, he ended the call. I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding when I heard his line clicked.

I know I should tell him, he deserves to know, but I just don't know how. The last time the topic of babies was brought up during their family reunion, he was dismissing it off like crazy. He kept on saying that it's still too early and that we still have a lot of plans and that we would become lawyers first before that would happen. 

When his relatives insisted that it's not unusual for couples our age to have babies, he almost stormed out. I kid you not if I hadn't grabbed his already fisted hand, he would have left their family reunion that instant.

My heartbeat increased further at the memory. I mean he reacted that way during a completely hypothetical situation, how would he react when reality is presented to him? 

God, just thinking about the possibility of him leaving me is enough to unleash all the tears I have been holding since the moment I saw the two red lines on that test. 

He couldn't possibly leave me, right? 

He's not that kind of person, right? 

These were the thoughts swimming in my head before I let myself drift to sleep, tears still slowly rolling down my cheeks.

Finals week has finally ended which means it's the end of the semester and in our case, it's the end of our college lives aka graduation time. Having to finally submit our thesis two days ago, I'm ready to leave this university once and for all.

I still haven't told him about my pregnancy. In fact, I haven't told anyone of my pregnancy, not my family, not my friends, not him. I told myself I would tell him first before anyone else, but I know I'm just making an excuse to delay telling people of my condition.

We're currently hanging out in my house, watching Supernatural, much to his distaste, while munching on some popcorn. It looked like I was really into the episode we were watching, but in reality, I'm simply staring into the TV screen. The urge to tell him the truth is eating me alive, but alas, I can't find the courage to do so.

Thirty minutes in and I felt the need to pee. I guess I really am pregnant because I've been peeing a hundred times a day, that's an exaggeration, but you get my point. 

After excusing myself, I left him and went to the bathroom to do my business.

I went back to the room quickly after, but I was surprised to see Supernatural on pause and him stood on the foot of my bed. He looked at my direction when he heard me enter the door.

 What surprised me was the look on his face. It was something I haven't seen before, something that's a mixture of confusion, nervousness, panic, and anger.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked with my eyebrows furrowed. 

He just continued staring at me and it was starting to creep me out. That was when I realized that my bedside draw was open. Chill ran through my body and I immediately froze on the spot. He couldn't have seen the test, could he?

"When..." He trailed after a moment of silence. I waited for him to continue speaking, waited for him to utter the words that I've been dreading to hear from him.

He lifted his hand and there he showed the pregnancy test that I tried to bury so deeply. 

"When were you going to tell me you were pregnant?" And it was as if my tear glands were given a signal because I then cried, I cried the way I was waiting to cry the moment I learned about my pregnancy.

Suddenly, I felt his arms wrapped around me and instead of stopping from crying, I cried even harder. 

I cried for the situation we're in, I cried for having to keep something this big from him for a long time, I cried for the possibility that he would leave me because he has known the truth now. 

He whispered soothing words into my ear while he caressed and kissed my hair repeatedly, trying his best to calm me down.

"Are you going to leave me now?" I managed to croak out amidst my tears. He pulled back from our hug and looked me straight in the eye.

"What are you talking about? Is this why you didn't tell me? You think I would leave you after knowing you're carrying our baby?" Instead of answering, I cried harder. He pulled me back into his arms again, this time tighter, but oh so reassuring.

"I'm disappointed you would even think I'd leaveyou over something like this. Hey, I know it's too soon, but I won't leave you.Especially now that we're about to become a family." If it's possible, his words made me cry even harder. He continued soothing me, caressing my hair,kissing my forehead, whispering countless 'I love you' and 'we'll get throughthis' in my ear. 

And somehow, in that moment, wrapped around his arms, it felt like everything was fine. 

In that moment, it felt like our lives were not about to change entirely.

In that moment, it felt like we could get through anything. 

###

i told you it's shit forgive me please