Tense

2 - Agony of Positivity

••••
I was born in a thunderstorm
I grew up over night
I played alone
I'm playing on my own
I survived
••••

I was exhausted, my body hurt all over. My muscles ached, my wounds starting to bleed again, thirst burning my throat dry, my stomach growling and hurting, all while I felt like freezing to death with my green coat being covered in the mass of blood I lost. Everything around seemed to turn, blur, and I am on the verge of collapsing.
I have been paddling for hours, the sun had risen, I didn't stop, not even to look behind me. I didn't even wanted to think of being followed. The coast was further away than I had expected. But now I saw the shore ahead of me, basically in reach of my paddle, the water began to shallow, the cold waves were slowly crashing onto the boat, small droplets of water splashing onto my hand easing my burns. I stop paddling, as soon as my paddle hits the gravel and I push myself forward for the last time. I feel the vibration of the boat hitting the shallow waters, and being stuck in the gravel. The last push I gave the boat felt like I also gave away the last piece of my own strength I had left. The shore was just a few meters away, I should jump out of my small boat, climb onto the shore and run. But I couldn't. I felt tired. The darkness felt so soothing in comparison to the painful reality I was trapped in. I collapsed onto the wooden floor of the boat, my body giving in the darkness by force.

••••••••••The intense sound of waves crashing onto the shore, mixing with gravel woke me up again.
Where was I?
Flashbacks of the cruise came flooding back into my consciousness. I was alone now. I lost everyone and everything I have ever loved.
But I am alive
Yes, I was. I was breathing, even though I felt weak, my body still hurt and I didn't dare to open my eyes.
I was breathing.
I am alive.
I survived.
Relieve washed over my body and I felt a new motivation to open my eyes.
I was met by a orange sky, the calming kind of orange, meeting the sun behind me, which was descending behind the tree line, resting for the night.
I watched quietly as I tried to clear my head.
What now? Should I find help? I should.
My eyes slowly wandered to the source of the pounding pain In my left arm. My whole coat arm seamed to be drenched, as it was clinging to my skin, but instead of hot trickling blood I felt it clinging wet directly to my skin. It was a rather unpleasant sensation, and seemed to burn my opened flesh even more. I quickly averted my eyes.
It's over. All will be fine. You are safe now.
I needed to think positive. This being my motivation I managed to stand up, everything turning, and instead of the steady jump to land on gravel I had intended to make, I stumbled into the cold ocean . The freezing salt water burned me as it touched my wounds, I yelped in pain, standing up again was a struggle, but yet again I gathered all the strength I had in this moment to make it happen. I had to fight the pain, couldn't let it control me. I need to be strong in order to survive. I just had to be.
I stood tall and straight as my eyesight stopped feeling fuzzy. Alter a couple of seconds the blur of nauseousness washed away and I moved through the water drenching my clothes from knee downwards. My already wet clothes clung to my body and began to cool down dramatically fast. I was stuttering as I set afoot on the beach.
In front of me was a forest with tall dark green trees. I couldn't remember the name of the tree, but I had seen it somewhere before. It was like a Christmas tree - but very very tall. Further on the left houses were facing the sea. Behind that seemed to be a town. I felt a surge of joy giving me strength to move forward. I set one foot in front of my other, trying not to stumble, trying to be strong. - not trying. I was strong! A small smile set onto my face. I had come so far, I survived so much. I was almost safe.
The house I passed by first was very grand. Lights were burning inside. Safety! I walked onto the other side, ringing the doorbell. I saw a shadow emerging from one of the windows next to the door. It ushered away after a few seconds. I expected someone to open the door for me, but that didn't happen. The shadow turned off the light in the rooms visible to the door.
I couldn't believe how rude people could be! I was trembling even more as the sun disappeared and a dark sky emerged over my head, stars beginning to look like the diamonds in my mothers crown. A tear threatened to escape my eyes. I had to be strong! I turned away from the door and wandered from house to house. They all treated me the same way. No one opened up. I began to loose grasp on my lifeline, the cold took over my body, as I wandered further into the town, trying my best in the next street. The plate on the gate said "Mayor Gerald Heißenstein". He should open up, shouldn't he? Doubt was nagging at my stamina almost as bad as the freezing winds were cooling my body down to a temperature where I felt my lips and hands turn blue. I rang the bell, and to my luck, yes, an old man opened up. Mayor Heißenberg I thought.
"What do you want?" He spat.
"My name is Lil-"
"I don't care about your Name, Beggar, what's your business"
"I am the Spanish princess, and My family has been - "
"Hmpf. Princess, you?" The mayor gave me a cruel laugh as he sounded like being strangled. "Kid, go home and play Princess somewhere else. I don't have time for beggars like you" he made a hand gesture shushing me away and began closing the door.
"Please" I croaked. "I am freezing to death, I am wounded, I need help."
"You all need help. You are not the first beggar to come to my doorstep"
"I am no -"
"Now go, I don't have times for kids like you. I am a politician." He stopped me again, being ignorant as before.
He slammed the door shut before I could say anything more. Even the mayor left me. He doesn't believe me. I am a beggar to him. I looked down onto my drenched clothing. An oversized black shirt clung to my body, my baggy grey track pants weighting heavy around my ankle, drenched in what felt like gallons of water. The green rather thin coat was ripped at various parts, full of blood on one side and also clung onto my thinly arms. My stomach grumbled. I felt as if I hadn't eaten for days. The cold nagging more and more at everything wet, beginning to freeze everything which came in contact with the salt water. I saw the tips of my hair starting to become solid and saw it freezing over at the tips, leaving them white.
I started to walk around aimlessly, just trying to find a warm place, maybe some wood for a fire. Anything to make the cold go away.
As I stumbled on the streets of the unknown place I had landed in, I slowly gave up hope. Maybe I was supposed to die? Maybe that's the universe striking. Maybe I should just lay down...