Tense

16 - The Luxuries of Life

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"Do I really have to go with you? It's not like it's actually going to change anything. I wanna stay at home. I got enough work as it is. Playing friends with that American princeling is not going to help any economy if they don't have any means to pay for it."
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I had to get myself together, I didn't just stand up for myself to let my emotions get me down again. But I just felt so frustrated at that moment.
"The new Jewel of the court they whisper, everyone bewitched by her beauty and grace." the Prince says, leaning next to me, while I kept scanning the moonlit gardens beneath me. I curtsied and he sighed with a saddened smile.
"Now they speak so highly of me. But in the end all they wanna see is my fall and I fear the worst is yet to come. I just got another warning from my own peers to watch out for your brides, your Highness"
"It's Eric, please, Leah. At least do me this favour today."
I sighed in defeat. It felt natural to not be so stiff around this man and when I nodded he began to relax as well.
"I have danced with every single one of them, my feet hurt and my mind is a mush of words and names and faces. They should cut us both some slack today."
I smiled and hummed in agreement.
"50? You didn't have to do that. I do not even know how you managed to still stand here. Are you okay? Also I should go. I got told off too many times today and I do not want any rumours to spoil this evening for me."

The prince chuckled at my outburst before explaining that he had guards cover the door and shield the balcony with the curtains so no one shall dare to disturb the prince's rest. I thanked him for that.

"But even though you got told off I heard some of your friends defend you when anyone else tried to gossip about you. You must have left an impression on them."
I smiled at his words.

"I tried my best to stand my ground. After all I am no ordinary girl."

Our gaze met.

"No Leah, you are definitely not. You are like a breath of fresh air when you waltzed into my life and now you are taking us all by storm. Proving everyone wrong with our misconceptions and previous notions, our beliefs of exclusivity shattered, when you walked into our court and just fitted in perfectly. Like a born Lady."

Because I am. I wanted to tell him, to destroy his world of fantasy. If I had truly just been an ordinary girl, I would have never stood a chance at any of this. But all I could do is watch his eyes sparkle in and cute dimples illuminated in the moonlight.

"Being thrown into this difficult situation, most would have failed, but you stepped right up. Even now you look like a born princess, just by grace and posture, when the girls adorned with jewels and gold could not even come close."

Eric stared at me in awe, his hand sitting on top of mine. For years I had closed myself off, never had anyone believed me. Maybe this time it would be different. I had dreamed of the day that someone would listed to me, for someone to actually believe me. Years of rejection had driven fear into my heart but I wanted to tell someone, scream and yell for my nightmares to end. To tell someone about the life I had been struggling so hard to fit in. How I had to care for myself when all I could afford were a loaf of bread for a week and my tea to keep me warm, with the agony ripping at my mind piece by piece. All the struggle I faced having to save up for the wood I would need to warm my house during the harsh winter when just a year before my biggest worry was which dress to wear and which jewellery to match. I had been thrown into cold water, had been dreaming of all the simple luxuries I had been denied such as friends and family, good warm food and the luxuries I didn't even dared to think about. Not even love. It had been something I never thought myself worthy of again. I couldn't have afforded it. Literally. But here I was, alone on a balcony, Eric by my side. Someone who saw me, the orphan of the village, still as princess. I wanted to speak, wanted to tell him that I was in fact a princess, that it was my family that had lead Spain for the past century, the fact that I was Princess Lilliana Emilia Anessa Hecores of Amarett, rightful heir to the Spanish throne. My mind was reeling with contemplation, my body and mind revolting against each other. But in the end I could not speak the words I wanted to tell.