Counting Shadows [complete]

Chapter 28

It was dark outside, it seemed that almost every third street lamp was not working, but I didn't care. I was chasing the wind, every muscle aching, but I still pushed myself. I just wanted to rest but there was no way I would get the rest in the house. That old woman stole my energy, made me feel her dying. Nothing dead could comfort me.

The wind was playing with me. I took off my shoes, feeling every inch of the concrete pavement. I enjoyed when my toes touched the odd weed trying to break through the dead concrete. I sometimes skipped on the sorry grass lining the pavement, caressing it with every step. It was like a game. I didn't have much energy but the wind was pushing me uphill towards the park. If I closed my eyes I could have imagined I was just a leaf swirling in the wind. I didn't care if anyone saw me. They would probably just think some drunk girl is trying to make it uphill and struggles.

The moon was bright, the houses were lit, I didn't need extra light to see where I was going. And even in the darkest hour, the trees were calling me. I entered the forest and walked towards my tree. It was a bit ridiculous to call him my, but here I was.

"Good evening, my friend." I saluted the oak and the whispers answered.

"Shhh, not now. I will tell you another time. Now I just want to rest." I touched the bark so he could feel me, to make him understand I was not impolite, just too tired to discuss anything. Then I just sat down between his roots, my back towards the trunk. I could feel the life pulsing through the bark. I dig my hands into the fallen leaves lying around. For a moment, I had a feeling we were one and one only. It was soothing and I fell asleep.

"Go into the water, if you want. Don't be silly Bozenka." I was standing ankle-deep in the water. I remembered the lake, it was near where my grandmother lived. She was standing on the shore, an old swimsuit on, but clearly not interested in following me. I was afraid. I was just a little girl. It was the second summer I spent there. My grandmother took me to the lake when it was too warm to just hang around the house. The heat made me restless and she thought it was a good idea to let me play in the water instead. I made another step towards the deep end. I could feel every little stone digging into my feet. The bottom was a mix of mud and stones and leaves and who knows what else. The water was clear so I could see every muddy leaf and stone I was stepping on. It was not a nice place to get into the water and I wished we went from the side that had the sand bank, but my grandmother prefered the wilder end of the lake.

"Look, there are some children swimming over there. Just go and play with them..." She pointed out to the other end of the lake. I wanted to play with them but I was way too scared to approach them. I didn't really know how to swim. I was thinking that maybe I should just get out and walk around the edge. There was a narrow path that I could take.

"Don't be a silly girl, the water will not eat you." That was my grandmother's answer to anything. The water will not eat you. The cold will not eat you. The rain will not eat you. The dark will not eat you. I was not so sure. I didn't trust the water, the rain, the cold or the dark. In my world, they could swallow you alive if they wanted.

I made another step. The water was now hugging my knees. I turned again to check my grandmother was still there. She just kept looking at me. She waved at me encouragingly.

Suddenly, before I could make another the step, the water swallowed me. The water was now much deeper. I could see my grown up hands, the jumper I bought in Primark two weeks ago, my jeans. I never wore jeans as a little girl. But the water around me was emerald dark.

"Bozka, don't be a silly girl." I could hear my grandmother's voice coming from far away. I looked up, but all I could see was the water above me. I could see there must be the sun as the rays were coming down. The light was dancing on my hair, my hair swirling around me like a snake nest. It was magical and I just kept staring on every lock swirling around.

"Bozka, don't be a silly girl." What was it now? I was underwater, I couldn't breathe. I tried to swim up, but my legs didn't move.

"Don't be afraid, just come up." Why didn't she help me? I was running out of breath.

"You know you can do it." I looked up again. I could see her approaching, walking on the water. I thought she would reach for me, but all I could see was her looking down at me.

"Who is the silly girl now?" The water ate me. I was right to be afraid of it.

I woke up. Indeed, who was the silly girl? I felt cold but finally like I had at least some energy. I stood up, the forest around was peaceful.

"Thank you. Another time." I smiled a little shaken at the oak. I checked around if anyone passed by but it was clear that I was there all alone the whole time. I was not sure who did I expect around in the middle of the night, though. However, I was a bit relieved about it, I didn't want to build up a reputation of a local homeless girl or worse, a drunk. After all, I was planning to hang around for a bit longer. It was time to go home.

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