One hand on this bottle, one foot on the gas. I'm searching for trouble, I'm going too fast. I'm running from shadows. I'm hoping to crash, just to wake me up from the pain and the past. Hennessy, plenty weed. Do you have anything stronger? I don't care, give it here. Wanna make this high last longer. Unafraid, unaware. Can't you see that I am dying? Wanna feel what is real, anything is worth me trying.
Jhene Aiko's voice sang as I drove... anywhere. Anywhere to get away from the pain I'm feeling. I feel like her song describes every bit of how I'm feeling.
Anything to feel alive.
Anything to feel my heart beating.
Anything to feel like I am still here.
Anything to feel like I am still needed.
I parked my car. I went and knocked on the door. Jacques opened up.
"I just need to talk to you." I whined. He didn't say anything, he only listened.
"I wish that you was me. I wish you were in my shoes right now so you could feel this terrible feeling I'm feeling. Why can't you get it through that thick skull of yours that I love you? Why won't you just understand that we should be together, not you and... her." I looked past him where I saw her sitting on the couch listening to everything I just said. "This isn't how it was supposed to go. I just knew that you would be mine. I was just waiting for you to make the move. Apparently, I was waiting for the wrong move. You really had me fooled Jacques."
He was still listening. Not a word slipped out of his mouth.
"So what does this mean? Since you was tired of playing with my head and went out and found a new bitch, I don't mean anything to you anymore?"
"Aye, watch yo mouth around my girl. Asia, me and you ain't never had nothing goin on. You got this whole scenario in yo head of me and you being one big happy family, but that ain't true. I was only tryin to be nice to you. Didn't mean to lead you on. Now can you please go home. You ain't even gotta go home, just leave here." He snapped.
I saw Casey silently laughing at me in the background. I swiftly brushed some of my hair behind my ear, looking down in embarrassment. Why is it that he's the only person that can make me feel like this. If it was anybody else, I would have probably been tried to fight his girl and stopped fucking with him all together as soon as I found out. Jacques' got some kind of spell over me.
I quietly walked back to my car... Actually, I turned around and gave him back the keys. Maybe he can give it to Casey as a late/early birthday gift. I walked home instead. Not my smartest idea, mind you it is nearly 2:00 in the morning. Luckily, I made it home safe and sound.
6 Months Later
It's been a whole six months. I got over my depressed stage. I've been busy staying out of the streets and keeping my focus in the books. It's my senior year, I'm not trying to start slacking now. I want to graduate and become something huge in life. Although, after school started, I did make a few new friends. Well, a few people that didn't talk to me already.
Daddy bought me a new car for my 18th birthday last month. I love it, it's all I really wanted for my birthday. Then Ace took me out to dinner. I drove us their in my new whip ;)
As for Ace, we're together. Long story short, I started feeling him after the whole incident with you know who. I'm not using Ace to get over him or anything, that's what it seems like tho. I genuinely like him. He got that special something about him. Buuuuut, I do think I gave it up to him too fast. He didn't seem to think so, but he is a boy. They don't care. You can't blame me tho, I'm a sucker for affection. We always use protection, I don't want another pregnancy scare like before.
Uummm, Jacques.... he's been around. Him and Casey called it quits about three or four months after getting together. I did nothing but laugh when I heard. Since then, he been trying to come back in my life. I cut him off completely when he told me to leave his house that night. All he talk about now is "remember how we used to be?" and "why you with that clown anyway?". He just jealous. He don't like how it feels to be on the other end of the stick. When I see him, I look in the other direction. I try to avoid any contact with him, but somehow he always get me to talk to him.
I don't even understand why he chasin after me anyway. Wasn't I the slut that you would never fuck with on that level? Or am I mistakin'.
Oooo, And I didn't forget about Quincy. Yeah... Quincy been trying to come around too. It's like when they see you happy with someone else, they wanna be all up in yo grill. Come to find out, that week or so when he was ducking and dodging my calls and texts or whatever, he was getting some girl pregnant. Come on now, do you really think I'm about to forgive and forget that with the snap of a finger? He got me all kinds of fucked up.
And to make it worse, everybody know that me and Ace are together. EVERYBODY. He pretty well known around town, I don't for what but I ain't complainin. As long as it ain't interfering with us. But anyway, like I said, everybody know we together. Word gets around fast around here. My parents even know about us, so the fact that these two niggas keep trying to come in between us is pathetic.
Liyah, she came to my school. Found a boyfriend and everything. Their cute together, but I smell something fishy about him. I won't say anything tho. Ima just let them be happy for the time being, until he breaks her heart. Then Ima break his face. Not saying that he will break her heart, just saying in a literal sense.
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