How to Fix your People Problems

Love

The problem we seemed to have with Love...WOW, where should I begin.? I'm only able to relay my own personal experiences and a few I've witnessed as well in regards to love so you might not be able to relate and I'm sorry. When I say love I don't intend to box it up or confine it to romantic relationships or marriage and divorce at all. Love to me is the deepest emotion us humans experience and on a multitude of levels.

When were young we love people, things, places, foods, movies, pets... you get the drift. We actually believe were in love with things without understanding the meaning of love at all. Love is probably the most "loseley" used words in the world. What I mean by that is that people will say they love something or someone and really feel nothing close to love. When we grow out of the stage of loving material things when get a small taste of feeling like we love people. This for me is when my idea or my beliefs about love got all messed up. Love wasn't a word I heard much of growing up. I heard it sometimes before bed from my mom or my grandparents when I saw them but I can't recall a time I heard it from my parents to each other.

We are only capable of learning the true meaning of Love once we've been given true love. Not every child is fortunate enough to be loved by their mother and father. Many children grow up deprived of that vital emotional need their entire childhood. Of course they know other kids who appear to have that love that they so desperately want from their parents and that's how they know they aren't loved, but they still aren't capable of Loving themselves because they've still never been given or shown love.

I don't know when or how old I was when I finally spoke to him but I believe it would have been better if I had let him go when I was 3. I don't know If It was Love, curiosity, or my extreme desire to have a father that sparked my desire to find my father but It never left my heart and it still pains me. I wanted love from my father even though I still didn't understand what love was, I wanted to feel like my father loved me. I was deprived of that love, the love that only a father can give to and show his daughter. Love that's even different from the love that a mother shows and gives her daughter. We as humans deserve, need and depend on both of those loves from the day we are born and when one or the other is missing we can spend a life time looking for it or yearning to know what it feels like.

Love is another gift we are not promised by any one other than God. It's easy to understand once you become and adult or parent how so many people love all wrong. How is a man to love a woman when he was raised by only his mother who happened to be a bad alcoholic and never showed or gave him love? All he has is his own ideas about what love should be or how he should love right? He's never felt love and therefore had no idea how to give love. He is not at fault and shouldn't be blamed for failing to love.

Love can be learned in so many other ways when were ready to receive it. Sometimes we reject love out of fear because it's unfamiliar and it scares us. Sometimes we confuse love with sex or relationships when were still not aware of what love should be. It makes Love even more complicated when your first time feeling what you think it love really isn't love at all. Love can cause pain, confusion and depression for people when it was never really love to begin with. Love can trick us into doing and believing things we shouldn't and was really lust or obsession we confused as love.

Love for me became real when I became a mother. I finally felt real love and I knew it was love because it was unlike any love I thought I felt before. We are then capable of seeing how we show and give love and in return we understand what we should be shown and given as well. Suddenly we realize that love doesn't hurt, it doesn't abuse. Love is beautiful, unconditional and forgiving. It's ok to let go of what we thought was love because we didn't know what it looked like. It's ok to open up your heart to someone that really shows and gives you love because those are the ones deserving of yours in return.

The problem for me with love today is that I don't always show it like I should. I still don't fully understand why my father never seemed to love me, or why I'm still hoping that someday before he dies he'll show me that he did. It's taken me 37 years to come close enough to just accepting the relationship for what it is and not what I want or feel I deserve it should be.

We may never know the love we deserve or want in life before we die no matter what we do and no it's not fair but It's part of life. Once we are capable of loving ourselves then we are able to let go of those desires for love we feel deserving of but denied. You will never make someone love you, you will never force some to love you either. Loving yourself is all you need to love those in your life that deserve and return it.

Don't let yourself tell anyone you love them without really understanding love first so you don't regret it later on. Stop being so nievve when it comes to being told your loved without feeling and seeing the love. It's never to late to learn how to recognize what love really looks like so if you're unsure just evaluate the way you love yourself. The way you treat yourself, they way you allow others to treat you says everything! You will find your answers about love and what to look for in yourself.

Loving oneself is the best gift we can give to ourself. No matter how hard we try to love it's not truly possible until we learn to love the person we are and the things that make up our personality. If there are things we don't like about our personality they can lead to self esteem issues that cause self doubt and self harm.