How to Fix your People Problems

Tuesday's Gone

It's not hard to find excuses for the way were living when were drowning in shit from our past. The fact is when we dwell on the mistakes we've made that have caused pain and destruction we give that shit power over us, keeping us sick. What better excuse for your pathetic way of living than the pathetic past you had. The poor me effect gets you feeling sorry for your self and feeling ok with the excuses your sick mind gives itself. If you want things to be better than you have to make them better with a plan and then acting on that plan. No one ever promised us a good, easy or fair life. In fact we are lucky to have made it out of the womb to live even one day.

After years of living my life centered around the self pity I harbored from my past I finally seen the light. I realized how sick and insane I had become living my life as If I had some major disability that prevented me from living a successful-sober and productive life. I actually for years told myself and others that due to my horrible past I was mentally incapable of working a steady job or being a functioning member of society. I spent years in and out of treatment centers, councilors and psychologists offices looking for someone to confirm the fucked up thoughts in my head. Turns out 7 treatment stays, 10 plus mental health professionals and even 2 trips to the Social Security Administration doctors to plead my case and not a single one agreed with me. They all seemed to agree that I was in fact suffering from depression, some post traumatic stress from years of domestic violence and a severe chemical dependency addiction but nothing that prevented me from living a normal life.

I was always told there was medication that might be able to make some of those anxious or depressed feeling go away, but I never had insurance to see the actual psychiatrist that would be able to prescribe them for me. Once again I left with more excuses to keep living the pathetic way I had been for years. After all, how was I suppose to get better if I didn't have the medication they said might help me right? I never took into account what they said about me having plenty of strengths and ability to work, get clean and function in society.

We so often rely on someone to save us or fix us when we feel helpless or lost. The thought alone that if only we had someone, anyone to love us or to love would heal us is another excuse living in the past creates. No one can fix you unless your physically broken and a doctor puts you back together. If your truly serious about fixing your life than you must let go of the pity your feeling over the past. It's not possible to go back in time and undue any of that shit so stop wasting years feeling guilty and regretful over it. No matter how hard you try you will never be able to erase any of from the minds or hearts of the ones you've hurt and it's not your responsibility either.

Making amends with yourself means forgiving yourself for everything, all the pain, suffering, lies, deceit all the shit, every single bit of it. After you've done that, I mean really truly forgiven yourself for hurting yourself and the ones you've loved and cared about in your life, then you can begin making amends with everyone else. All you can do is apologize and really mean it, acknowledge what you did that caused them pain and then explain to them you understand the pain they felt. Once you've done that it's no longer yours to hold on to. You now longer have to carry that regret and guilt around in your soul because you've finally accepted and admitted it to yourself and them.

It's an amazing step towards letting go of excuses that have kept you sick. Once you can heal that which ale's you then your finally getting better. The past is made up of so many good things even though we seem to naturally dwell on the bad or traumatic ones. If we teach our selves to hold onto the good, successful and positive memories than it becomes easier to see life as worth fighting for. Being grateful each night for the small things in life get easier when you see life through sober, healthy eyes.

Tuesday's gone was chosen as the title for this chapter for two reasons. First because I absolutely love Lynard Skynard and that song, and second because it's a constant reminder that our past is gone and we will never get it back. Let your living begin by remembering your past only when it's for happy times or lessons you learned that will help you live a healthy future.