How to Fix your People Problems

Be You-nique

I have always struggled with acceptance and self-esteem and never really appreciated the uniqueness I possessed.  I looked in the mirror and quickly looked away from a girl that never impressed me much.  I don't know why I picked my self apart so destructively because I was actually quite uniquely talented and beautiful.  I had an athletic ability that wasn't taught to me but was born in me.  I had such low self esteem as a result of my dysfunctional alcoholic childhood which subjected me to bullying in my early teen years.  I had absolutely no back bone because I learned from my step dad that women were hit, degraded and disrespected and had better like it.  In fact it was accepted in our house my entire childhood.  When mom would pass out he would move into our room and verbally abuse my sister and while completely intoxicated, rambling some times till 1, or 2 am on school nights.  It became impossible to concentrate at school or socialize with other kids because I harbored so much anxiety and worthless thoughts that my mind just wasn't able to let go of. 

I wanted so desperately to be like the girls in my class with normal moms and dads that came home from work not to the bar from work ending with fighting and abuse every  night.  I tried so hard to hide my reality but the older I got the more obvious it became to the few friends I had my life was FUCKING UGLY and it  scared them to death.  No one wants to spend the night at a friends house huddled in a corner crying and terrified of the monster on the other side of the door.  My  friends were "Norm" and had never been exposed to more than a slight disagreement between there mom and dad so what was no big deal to me seemed like a hostage situation to them.  One by one never came back, in fact most called there parents as soon as a break in the action occurred just long enough to grab there bag and abandon our sleep over before it had a chance to begin.

My uniquely dysfunctional home life soon became the talk of the halls and birthday parties of the entire 8th grade.  The same type of abuse and bullying I experienced every night of my life at home become a part of my day time as well.  Not only had I lost the few friends I had, I was now the main target of the entire 8th and eventually 9th grade girls torture.  I allowed them to run my life and even prevent me from participating in sports and school activities.  I didn't yet understand why despite my already horrible home life I was treated so horribly by my peers as well.  

I don't really remember when they finally decided to stop bullying me but I know that at that point  was only months away from dropping completely out of school because it had got that bad.  I allowed them to steal my uniqueness and unfortunately I had no idea it was just that, MY UNIQUENESS that created jealousy and anger in the hearts of the girls who tormented me.  

I had the ability to survive things they could only run from.  I possessed a strength they wanted but were to weak to develop it.  I always came back for more and battled 20 to 30 girls at a time every single day for almost a year straight and despite their group effort I was still breathing and walking the halls with them through all their  name calling and shoving.  

Inside I felt like the weakest, ugliest loser alive when really I was the one most You-Nique of all and that's why I was God's chosen solider  to carry those words, pains and lonely days  in order to teach the others a valuable lesson.  The lesson about doing unto others as you'd have done to yourself. Treat one one another like you want to be treated.   Each one of those 30 or 40 girls got a taste of my every day struggles as a part of the teen age girl growing into young women.  They were turned on by every one they were bullying with a few days prior.  It might have been the there outfit, shoes or hair style that day that got one girl talking and the entire group of followers hurled horrible names and comments her way for days sometimes weeks to come.  They were going from the bully to the bullied one by one and none of them had the strength to stop from crying in front of the entire high school class.  

Uniqueness is a noun the means the quality of being the only one of it's kind.  The quality of being particularly remarkable, special, or unusual.  Yes I said unusual, and that my wattpad followers is what made me so amazingly unique.  Embrace your You-nique qualities and lifestyles no matter how different or unusual they may seem.  They are what make you, you and It's far more exciting and empowering to be one of a kind instead of a copy of the norm.