December 30th, 2016
It hurts so bad. Everything and nothing at the same time - your words, your absence, your feelings. I should have just lied and said I was ok because then it wouldn't have hurt so much. I whole heartedly hate lying to you but sometimes I feel like if I don't things will only get worse. That feeling has been proved time and time again. Every time I'm feeling happy and things are ok at the moment my mind drags me down again. When I think your happy and okay I always say fucked up shit that makes you think way to much. Like I said after you sent me that story, you deserve someone much better than my bs. Someone who can actually understand your thoughts and feelings. I want more than anything to feel happy that way I can make you be happy. I don't want you to feel the way I do everyday. I want to be with you everyday so you never want death again. I want to make you never feel that way ever again. I want to feel all of that for you so you never have to think about it again. I want to take everything away so you never have to worry again. I just want you to never be depressed again no matter what it takes.
