January 20th, 2017
Well I was planning on day 24 being the last chapter, but ending with anger isn't something I want to do. It was good having a sort of closure and just clearing things up. It still hurts because for a while I'll still have a strong want and desire to be with you - but I know we're just not good for each other. I can't say I regret nothing because I definitely regret lots of things I've said and done, but you have to make mistakes in order to learn. Sounds harsh but I guess that makes our relationship a mistake in itself.
Right now I want to focus on Bethani. I don't at all want to rush into things because I want to mature and grow as a person. I know I'm not automatically going to be happier and "fixed" but I want this to be a new chapter in my life. I've learned so much by being with you for just a few months, and I want to remember those thing for the future. One thing I still need to learn and accept is that I'm still young. As much as I want to act and be treated by what my mature mental age is, I still have a lot to learn and tons to experience in life.
Another thing I've realized is that I really don't know what love is. I felt so many new things with you I automatically thought it was love, but it's not. I don't know what love is anymore - but someday I hope to find it. I think theres multiple people in the world compatible for you, but I want to find my "soulmate", whoever that may be. I also need to learn that communication is key in any relationship. Being in a relationship is based on sharing everything with that other person, and nothing will last without good communication.
This is a really shitty way to say my official goodbye to you - so I'm not going to. What I do want to say though is thank you. I can't exactly explain what for but just take it because you have helped me in my journey of love and life. I know that one day everything will work like it's supposed to. One word that spoke to me a fuck ton for the past month is eternity. At the time when it first happened I had no idea what it meant - but I know now.
Nothing is forever. Everything can change in the snap of a finger so use that to your advantage. Change destiny and write your own story. Eternity doesn't exist.
