today is sunday and mga manaya lang siguro lalabas na si lola sa hospital para ma imbalsamo....
i didnt accept what they said,,,they said that they will bring lola here but i hesitated...cause i hate to see momay on it....i hate lola to see sleeping on it.....
i cant accepy it...tat shes gone,..how can i live without her,..ill live by myself?
,god damn it no!
author's note:
(pagpasensiyahn na po ang mga bad words ni cass...lumaki syang napaka tapang kaya ganyan sya...sorry)
i decided to go to the hospital para makita lang sandali si momay ko....
i just ride on a tricycle and didnt ride on our car...today i need to learn a lot of things...kailangan kong masanay na mag isa...
so now im hete....while walking on the upstairs,.,i stopped....
then suddenly my traitor eyes cried again...
i sid i need to be tough but i cant....i really cant right now....
so i countinued walking....
i directly go to my momays room...
without wastung some seconds i hugged her tightly. ....
i cried and cry...
me: you told me to becareful of myself...you tild me to be strong...you told me...you did..but now you didnt listen to your own words...how selfish are you ? you left me...i hate you.....!
i dont want to remove the blanket that already covered to her...because i dint want to see her face with her closed eyes anymore...
and then while i was just standing and looking at her,.
dr. paz: ms sandra?
me: what is it ?
dr. paz: can we talk...
me: yeah..your right...we need to talk..a lot of explanation you need to say,..!..,,
pumunta kami sa office nya and then
me: you! you told me na anemic lang sya....but now! shes dead...
dr. paz: we didnt know that it will vome to that point ms. moon.....
me: i told you to do anything good to her but what happend?!
dr. paz: please you dont understand....th---------
me: stop!!!! what,? i dont understand....i already understand it...that shes not breathing now cause shes already dead and all i remeber is i! ...i! trusted you!!!!!! tgis hospital is useless
then dr. paz eyebrows intersects.....
dr. paz: you wanna know the truth ms. moon?
me: what!? the truth that you didnt care he-----
dr. paz: the truth that shes dead because of loneliness..the truth that shes dead because of tired for waiting someone!
me: what do-do you mean?
dr. paz: the time that you leaved in this hospital you didnt return anymore......you know what..she is waiting for you! ...one time we discoverd na nagiging mahina na sya...we said na magpakakas sya dahil natatalo na sya ng sakit nya but you know what did she said....she saud that she misses you! ....a lot of days ms. moon...you didnt even visited her....just for a 30 minutes or what ever time that will waste...
its nit just us! you should be the one that beside her....but your not....we! we are the one who is only keeping her strong....
you did! you did it! you!
all of those words really affected me...
remebered,,,i never viseted her in this hospital,,,,
he is right! i did it,...im the one who is selfish...im the one who left here.....im the one who let her feel alone....
and now i am....
i idt it.,,,
then i just realized na napa hawak ako sa bunganga ko and cried at tumakbo na papalabas ....
kailangan ko ring magpaalam ngayon sa school for 3 weeks excuse,..i need more time....
so diretso ako sa school namin,,..
pagka baba ko pumasok na ako...
i kniw na mahahalatang umuyak ako,..not just it..but also the marks that is saying im sad....
my eyebads....and also my eyes....
i am now walking towards our principal's office...
while walking all of the students are looking at me saying
is she okay?
she looks terrible this time
o m g..is she possessed. ....?
she looks sad,
the i countinued walking...our principals office is on the 3 floor so it means malapit lang ito sa classroom namin and also madadaanan ko ang classroom namin......
after that heto na nga nadaanan ko and classroom namin ....
they all looked at me while they are inside the room ....eveb the ZZZ of course they are happy without me.....
me: goodmorning mam...
principal: hi..ms. moon..your the president in this school but what happened....your always absent?
me: im really so sorry mam...i have an impotant excuse,....
principal: what is it....?
me: my momay is de-dead now..i need some time please....three weeks absent...
principal: what? three weeks?
me: please..hahabol nalang ako please....
then i bite my lower lip to stop myself for crying....
principal: okay..i understand...condolence my dear.....
me: thank you....
i said then i go out...and i walked papunt sa room namin,..
i look wala pang teacher so sinamantala ko na....
nada loob ng room ang locker namin kaya pumasok na ako without leaving any word...
they all shut up...they all looked at me....
they are all looked shock for my look today.....
kinuha ko na yung mga gamit ko sa locker and lumabas na...i was about to go out when someone devil talked to me....
zian: hey! are you dying?
me: yeah ....happy now?
i said and i continuously open the door and when i opened the door bumaba na ako and i stopped when i saw this friend if mine really look so worried about me....
gabb: where have you been sandrA!? what happened to you sandra!?
he looked at me up to down..and then suddenly i hug him and said. .
me: im back again.....im alone gabb,..she left me...momay left me.....and those fucking zzz they killed my dog...the only one that remain but they did killed it without giving me a chance to say goodbye.....
they all left me...they all did....
BINABASA MO ANG
THE RED BLOOD
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