Halee and I are getting ready for Carson's first birthday. It's a pool party. The boys and our families are coming over. I'm cleaning up the house and Jon is helping while Halee bakes cake and makes food. We're having finger foods and pizza. Of course little does Halee know, Donnie is bringing 8 cases of alcohol. Carson is walking right up to me and he grabs my pants. He stretches out his arms for me to pick him up so I do.
Halee: Do you think he'll like his presents?
Me: Well I'm sure he will. We did spoil him.
Jon: I have stuff for him too.
There's a knock at the door, I open it and it's Ally and Donnie. They have about 7 gifts in their hands and a covered dish.
Me: What did you make?
I'm still holding Carson.
Donnie: Buffalo chicken dip. I promise, it's delicious.
Jon: It sure smells good.
Donnie puts the gifts on the table.
Donnie: Come here Carson.
He stretches his arms out and I put Carson down. He starts walking to Donnie. Donnie picks him up.
Donnie: He's gotten so big.
Me: I know. He's growing up fast.
Ally: Where's Hay?
Me: In the kitchen. You can go in there with her if you want.
She goes into the kitchen.
Me: Did you bring the stuff and your swimming trunks?
Donnie: You know it. It's in the car.
Jon: Sweet.
We go to the car to do it and take it to my man cave downstairs. There's another knock at the door. We open it and it's Danny. I bro hug him.
Me: Hey dude, what's up?
Danny: Oh, I brought these.
He gives me 7 gifts to put on the table.
Me: Thanks. You didn't have to get him anything.
Danny: I wanted to.
He smiles.
Me: Donnie and Jon are in the basement. You can head down there.
He goes to the basement. Then there's another knock. It's Joey.
Me: Hey, what's up?
I hug him.
Joe: Hey man. I brought these.
He hands me a few gifts.
Me: Well thank you. The boys are in the basement if you want to go down there.
He goes to the basement. I go down with him.
Me: Alright, let's get this party started.
Donnie opens up a 6 pack of Bud light and we drink it. Next is a 6 pack of Old Milwaukee. We down our cans. Next is a 6 pack of Budweiser. Then a 6 pack of Smirnoff. I'm feeling a little buzzed. Next is the shots. We take shots of vodka. I take about 5. We drink from the other 4 cases. We stumble up the stairs and our wives/girlfriends are outside with the kids and families.
Me: We better get out there.
I stumble to get my trunks on.
We all go outside.
Halee: Jordan are you guys drunk?
Ally: Seriously Donald?
Phoebe (Danny's wife): Danny you're in big trouble.
Sandra (Joey's girlfriend): Joey I told you not to drink!
Me: We're sorry.
We give them puppy eyes.
We stumble to get food. I feel nauseous and I throw up in the bushes. Then Donnie does the same. Jon barely drank so he's fine. Then Joey. Then Danny.
The wives/girlfriends: Told you so.
Me: Oh god.
I groan.
The next morning I wake up by the pool. My head is thumping. I go inside.
Halee: You missed your son's first fucking birthday. You fell asleep.
Me: I'm sorry.
Halee: Really Jordan? Saying sorry doesn't fix ANYTHING. Carson can only turn 1 once in his life. I don't even want to talk to you right now. Go to your mom's house or something.
Me: You're kicking me out over something so minor? You can be such a bitch sometimes. And sometimes I wish Alexis was still in my life. She never bitched at me.
Next thing a know a plate was thrown at my head and it shattered against the wall.
Halee: Then go fucking be with her! She never bitched because she was too busy moaning! Seriously Jordan get out of my house. The kids are already at your mom's. But do not touch them. I'm going to pick them up. And you better stay there.
Me: Listen-
Halee: I don't want to hear it okay!
Next thing I know she walks up to me and slaps me. She's crying.
Me: I didn't mean it.
She walks upstairs and slams our bedroom door. I go up to get her.
Me: Baby, listen to me. I was mad. I didn't mean it. I love you.
Jon comes out of his room.
Jon: Are you okay?
Me: Can you please talk to her?
Jon: Sure.
He knocks.
Jon: Halee it's me. It's Jon.
Halee: Is Jordan gone?
She sniffs. My heart breaks.
Jon: Yes, can I come in?
The door unlocks and he goes in.
