Of Monsters and Men (yuri x otabek)

Words

"Whoo, I'm beat!" Mila pants as she collapses onto the bench, tying her hair up on top of her head."Jesus Yuri, you didn't have to challenge me to ten speed races across the rink you know."

I shrug and untie my skates. "You're just mad that you lost."

She chuckles. "I allowed you to win!"

"OK, whatever helps you sleep at night." I smile.

"Hey Beka, you ready to head out? I have to run some errands before we go home." She takes a quick swig of water.

I wipe beads of sweat from my forehead and glance at Otabek. He's looking down at his skates, almost like he's not sure why they're on his feet. "Yeah, I'm fine with that." He replies.

Mila stands up and stretches. "Alright, I'm just gonna use the washroom before we head out."

When she leaves it falls silent again, I slip my skates off, wiping the ice from the blades.

"This town is really beautiful." He speaks up suddenly.

I look at him. "Uh, yeah it is."

He gives a strained smile and then looks away.

"Is there something wrong? You've been kind of out of it for a while." I ask slowly, not really sure if I want to tread into these waters.

Otabek closes his eyes and tips his head back. "Yeah, I'm fine. I don't want to say anything that's going to bother you."

I study him for a while, he looks stressed. "You're not sure if you made the right decision right?"

He looks at me surprised. "What?"

"You know," I nod, "moving here and being with Mila, I know how much you love Kazakhstan, being away from it is going to change you. But I see the way you look at her, you've made the right choice, and you're still skating for your country, but at the same time, you're also with the woman that you love. What more do you want?"

He laughs and runs a hand through his hair. "I guess you're right Yuri, what more do I want?"

"I don't know, I mean, I've never been in love with someone, I've never had the chance to pursue my dreams all while actually having a future somewhere out of the rink. I envy you for that." I sigh, shoving my skates into my bag and zipping it closed.

"Well, you're only eighteen, you have a long time to find what you want."

I stop moving and drop my head, a sudden pain interrupting my heart beat. "I've been searching for what I've wanted ever since I was five years old and somehow I still haven't found it. I doubt it will come to me anytime soon, mainly because I don't even know what it is. Sometimes, I feel like I'm fighting for nothing you know?"

"Hey," I feel him move closer to me, his body heat radiating against mine. I look up startled and meet his intense gaze, his eyes seem to be looking right through me, making me feel exposed. "Since day one you've been fighting for what makes you happy, and that is this sport, your family, and the people that surround you."

I clench my teeth, what the hell does he know? I don't have a father, I barely see my mother, and I barely make time to be with my grandpa anymore. I-I feel so alone even when I have the few things in my life to support me."What family? What people that surround me Otabek?"

"Back in Barcelona, you always told me how much you looked up to Viktor and Yuuri, and how much you admired your grandfather, that you wanted to make them happy even if they were a pain in the ass sometimes. What changed? Those people are what make you happy, your skating is what motivates you to get better. What more do you need other than that?" He presses.

I step closer to him, he doesn't get it does he? "What is the use in fighting everyday if it isn't for yourself? Once all of those people are happy; where does that leave me? I-I thought you of all people understood that man, y-you came in and forced me to become friends with you, making me possibly the happiest person alive, making me feel that for once I didn't have to fight for someone, because someone was fighting for me! And then you-" I stop the words quickly. What the hell am I doing? This is the first time I've seen him in over three years, why am I exposing my feelings like this so suddenly. He doesn't care about me, my problems are not important to him. I was just some stupid fifteen year old kid who he thought was desperate for a friend, he's going to have a family soon, I'm going to be the last thing on his fucking mind, none of this even matters!

I turn away quickly. "J-Just forget it Otabek."

"How can I huh?" His voice sounds desperate, making my body go numb. "Even now you haven't realised that you fought for me and saved me too Yuri."

I look back at him slowly, he's trembling and his eyes look so empty. My hand moves on its own, why am I reaching for him-

"OK I'm done!" Mila suddenly comes back into the room. I snap my hand back and Otabek backs up awkwardly, turning quickly to face her. She gives him a quick kiss and then grabs her purse. "We'll see you Wednesday Yuuri, that's when training starts." She smiles.

I can barely even concentrate on what she's saying, all I can see is him, his back turned purposely away from me, trying to hide whatever emotions that were going to break through just a moment ago.

"A-Alright, see you around." I force the words out of my mouth.

He doesn't even turn around to say good bye.