Of Monsters and Men (yuri x otabek)

Beginnings

I force myself to return to the rink a few days later. I miss skating, it makes me happy, it's the one thing that I can't neglect. I know that if I skate I'll be able to forget my pain for a little bit, all I need is just a moment where it doesn't feel like there's a hole in my heart.

I'm nervous though, especially after what happened a week ago. But I know Anja will be there, so I think I'll be able to handle it. Except, I'm not really sure what Yakov is going to say, I've been missing a lot of valuable time, he'll probably be really upset at me especially with competitions right around the corner. Whatever he throws my way, I'll try to deal with it. I just need to get back on the ice.

As soon as I walk in, I'm scolded by him and met by awkward, judgemental looks by my teammates. It's uncomfortable, especially since Mila is trying her best not to look my way as well. She probably won't ever look at me again.

I tell Yakov that I take responsibility for skipping out, and say that I'll practice harder, but it doesn't look like he believes me. I'm surprised he hasn't let me go already. "You have a great amount of potential Yuri, stop letting it go to waste." He says before starting practice. I guess somehow, someway, he also has faith in me. That thought gives me strength.

Anja skates up beside me then and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Glad to see you back." She smiles.

I give her a quick nod. "Yeah, thanks for everything by the way. I don't think I'd even be standing here if it wasn't for you. You're a good person, you really know how to cheer someone up."

Her eyes sparkle and she hugs me...Again. "Gah! No problem Yuri, I'd do anything to make my favourite skater happy!" She squeals.

I laugh. I'm her favourite skater huh? That makes me feel really good, better than I've been feeling since he left. I think, if I have her by my side I can make it through this.

When practice ends, Anja walks me home. It's dark out, but there are so many stars in the sky. It's so beautiful, makes me feel relieved in some way.

"Oh God, you hear them at night?" I cringe at her in depth story of the sounds she hears in Viktor and Yuuri's bedroom when she tries to sleep.

"Yeah! They don't even try to make it subtle, they're just going at each other while I'm right there in the other room! It's so disgusting, I literally don't even know how I've managed to survive living there this long." She laughs.

"Jesus," I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear and look up at the sky, lost in thought. It's funny how small and insignificant you can feel underneath all of these stars and galaxies, it's like my problems are nothing compared to what's happening out there and around me.

Anja looks up too. "Wow, I never noticed how pretty the sky is here at night!" She gasps.

"Yeah, looking at it kind of makes you feel irrelevant doesn't it?" I whisper.

"Yeah, you're right...It does." She looks at me.

I look at her and smile, then look at my shoes.

"You know, Otabek is a really lucky guy." She breathes, cool white air escaping from her lips.

I look at her again. "How so?"

She pulls her scarf closer to her chin, blushing slightly. "He has you."

I blink.

"He has someone that loves him so much that he would sacrifice his own happiness for him. I think that's pretty amazing, I wish someone would do that for me. I wish I had someone that would fight for me as hard as you're fighting for him."

I stare at her for a while. "Hey, don't worry about it alright? I definitely know that one day someone is going to want to fight for you too; and they're never going to want to let you go, trust me on that. You're an amazing friend, so there's no doubt in my mind that you'd be an even more amazing girlfriend. "

She smiles now, but it's not her usual excited one, it's a sincere, happy smile. "Thank you Yuri, hearing that from you literally means the world to me, you have no idea."

I wonder, why does she look up to me so much? What did I do to deserve someone who admires me as much as she does? I think I get it now though, she's one of the reasons I can still keep pushing ahead. My grandpa, Viktor, Yuuri, Yakov, Lilia, even Mila, and him, Otabek. Even when I had doubts in myself, they were always there telling me that I couldn't give up, cheering me on. Motivating me to do better, doing what was best for me, trying to help me through. They believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself.

So, why haven't I started believing in myself yet? What more do I need to get stronger?

Anja and I reach my house a few moments later, those questions still circling around in my head.

"Hey, are you sure you'll be OK getting back by yourself? I feel like I should have walked you home." I ask her.

She nods quickly. "Don't worry, I'll be fine, trust me."

I smile. "OK then, make sure you use your guns if you ever get in trouble." I flex my arm to indicate what I mean.

She laughs loudly. "You bet I will, don't worry about me! See you tomorrow OK?" She waves and walks away.

I watch her gratefully. I really don't deserve her do I? Another friend, I never thought I would make one again. I go inside smiling to myself and am greeted by Piroshki. He meows as I pick him up and then head to the kitchen.

"Oh, I think he's here." My grandpa exclaims. Who's he talking to?

I walk into the kitchen. My heart stops when I see who it is.

"Mom?"