I never believed in fairy tales;
They were fiction, unreal.
There was no Santa,
No Easter bunny,
And those grown ups at Disney
Were just a costume
While all the kids around
Were so happy to get a picture with them.
I was there,
Not understanding the concept,
But the music I heard on the radio
Made it real.
The stories were narrated clearly
About creatures in the night,
And I could hear the emotion
Poured into whisky lullabies.
Poetry painted a picture
Of white swans on lakes.
The warm snow and cold fires
Were felt as if I were there.
I never believed in love stories.
They were confusing, perplexing.
Princes and princesses fell in love so effortlessly.
The seamless impromptu dances
In the moonlit forests were surreal
While girls created intricate stories
About meeting the loves of their lives.
But I was just there,
Listening to melancholy words
Sewn into melodies
Played by symphonies on CDs.
I was there,
reading bittersweet rhymes
Of unrequited love.
Love...
Perhaps I never believed the fairy tales and love stories
Because romance was not my focus.
Every single time I liked someone,
I tripped over my feet,
Clumsier than my usual gait.
I fell behind,
Left sitting on the playground
When they moved to pretty and outgoing girls,
Sporty and funny girls,
Girls with talent and grace,
Girls who do not wallow in self-deprecation.
I simply sit and watch them in the sun,
Bittersweet,
Almost a sour regret.
I suppose I'm not naturally a desirable person,
And I always say that people break my heart.
So to you, people who I like or used to like,
I'm sorry for the blame, stress, and annoyances
I put on you.
I place my feelings into your hands
With or without you realizing,
Yet I blame us both.
To anyone who thinks they can tear me apart,
Go ahead try.
From now on only I can break my own heart.
j.m.h.f.
l.e.h.b.
m.a.c.
