Weight In Gold (Brendon Urie)

The Baby

I'm finally able to fall asleep at 8am, and when I wake up at about noon, I still haven't heard anything. It's now that I start to get worried. I begin to repeatedly call Ryan, and no matter what I do he won't answer either, so I go out to the garage and take one of Rick's less nice cars to Ryan's house.

When I get to his house, I pound on the door, worried out of my mind about him and what might have happened. A few seconds later, the wooden door swings open and there stands a perfectly fine ryan, still in his pajamas. "WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN ANSWERING ME?" I scream at him. His get wide and he looks panicked, and he tries to slam the door on me. Before it's able to close, I shove my foot in the way. He slowly opens up the door and looks at me. I'm so scared and upset about everything that I can almost feel steam coming out of my ears. "Do you know where Brendon is?" I ask Ryan. He shakes his head. "So you haven't talked to him at all in the last few days?" I say. Ryan looks down at his hands and starts messing with his fingernails. "Well..I....well he...." Ryan stutters. "Ryan," I start, in a warning tone. "Ok fine, yes, we've talked. He's ok, and he'll be home tonight." I'm relieved at the sound of this. "Are you sure?" I pry at him. He nods.

"Why did he leave so suddenly? Who was that girl?" I demand of him. "Her name is Elizabeth, she goes by liz. She was Brendon's girlfriend for a while, but when she started getting kind of aggressive and he found out she had cheated on him a few months before, they broke up and she moved to a different town."

I try to stay calm at hearing this. It only makes sense that Brendon would have a few ex girlfriends. Who doesn't have an ex or two at our age? However, some things still just don't make sense. "Why did he leave with her?" I ask. "I can't tell you that, Brendon told me not to talk to you until he gets back in the first place." What? Brendon said that Ryan couldn't talk to me? That's ridiculous. "Are you mad at me?" Ryan asks after a second or two. "No," I respond, "but I can't say the same for Brendon. Goodbye" I tell him before leaving.

I feel so rejected from hearing this. Brendon doesn't want me to know who this girl is, where he's going or what he's doing.

When I get home, all I do is cry. I can't sleep or eat because I'm too upset and almost any form of entertainment seems miserable. I eventually walk in to the kitchen and have a small glass of wine. To calm the nerves, or so they say. The wine is able to put me to sleep, and at 8 pm I pass out on the couch.

I dream about Brendon that night. I dream that he no longer wants me in his life. In the dream, Liz and him move away and become rich and famous. They receive everything I've ever wanted and leave me in the dust with nothing for my own. In the dream, liz is exactly how I saw her today. It hurts to think that his heart belongs to her.

I am woken up only by the sound of the door opening and closing. When I open my eyes, I see Brendon. He tries to escape upstairs, but I don't let him. "Your not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell just happened." I snap at him. "Can we please just do this tomorrow, Ashley? I'm too tired for this." I cross my arms and stand in front of him. "No," I tell him flatly, "I've been worried out of my mind about what happened to you and you wouldn't even text me to tell me you were alive. You left me here, terrified out of my mind about what might have happened to you, and now you just walk back in. I deserve an explanation. Who was that girl, and why did you leave?"

Brendon sighs and pushes back his hair, and starts to talk. "Her name is Liz. She used to be my girlfriend."
"And why did she leave?" I ask.

"I broke up with her, and her families moved a few towns over."

"And why did she choose to come back?"

"To tell me about something important."

"What's it about?"

"Doesn't matter." He looks at the ground at this.

"Yes it does," I demand.

"Fine Ashley. I didn't want you to find out this way, but, Elizabeth is pregnant with a baby. My baby. And I'm going to raise it with her. I refuse to bring a child in this world, just to let it grow up like I did."

When these words first roll off of his tongue, I'm in denial. I can't accept that Brendon, my Brendon, is having a baby with this stranger. She's not a stranger to him, I remind myself. I don't know how to respond or react, so I just stay there. Silent and thinking. How could this happen? I don't know what I can do about this situation, so I don't say a word. I walk up to my room, shock painted all over my face.

Brendon is having a baby.

Her baby.