A Guide to Eating Disorders

Creativity As A Coping Mechanism.

When you have an eating disorder, or indeed, any other neurodivergency, it can be hard to see past the fundamental problem{s}, and it feels near damn impossible to even try thinking of recovery. When our thought patterns become increasingly irrational like this, it is very easy to become panicked and overwhelmed - and this tends to lead to destructive and unhealthy behaviours.

We seem to forget, or perhaps we try to forget that we are actually talented and unique human beings, each with our own thoughts and experiences that we can share, through whichever art medium we desire.

Especially here, on Wattpad - we all made an account because of our affinity towards words, whether it be reading or writing them, and throughout the years, the site has transformed to accommodate for all the graphic designers, video makers and artists out there - there are a lot of people hurting on here, but there is also a plethora of talent that seems to remain hidden, seems to be taken for granted. We forget that we can actually do stuff and that, despite what we think, we often do it well. It seems awkward and self-centred to recognise and comment on our own talents and strengths, but more often than not, we all need a little boost of self-esteem and to tell ourselves that we matter - there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that, especially when others don't do it for us, or if they do their best to drag you down and belittle you.

So, maybe you think you're an appalling writer: maybe your grammar and spelling suck and you keep falling in your own plot holes - you're reading this and just thinking I'm lying, that you can't possibly be good. But maybe you can create really relatable characters, maybe your covers are the best out there - there will be some aspect you can do and do well, otherwise you wouldn't be drawn to attempting to do these things. It's in our nature - we only want to do stuff we think we're good at, which is why hobbies tend to manifest into passions and careers.

And the key point here is: you do it because you want to do it. You showcase creativity because you desire so, and it's as simple as that. Regardless of whether you believe you're good at it or not, no-one can stop you doing something you want, especially if it makes you feel better.

The hardest thing to do is remind yourself that you can do, especially when there seems no way out of your grief. Everything is painful and complicated and a mess. But misery can create art. Remember that. You can create something beautiful, something brimming with raw emotion and it will be magnificent. You can write, draw, design and sculpt your pain out, lessen its impact by releasing it a little. You can do it, and you will. I believe in you.

It may seem like the whole world is plotting against you sometimes: you don't have time to do what you love, maybe other people tell you that you can't do it, and sometimes it's just easier to give in. But, it's at that point that you need to realise and recognise the tide and flow of your neurodivergency. You need to see that your judgement is clouded and murky. And maybe, you have to abandon something else to keep your creativity at bay, maybe you have to be strong and manage the hours in your day a little differently.

So. You sit down and try and create art, but despite the whirlwind of emotions you feel, despite these words echoing in your head, there's nothing. That doesn't mean you can't, it just means you can't in that moment, when you are perhaps overwhelmed or confused.

What do you do? If you feel like that, you should create a list: of why you want to do this, what it means to you. Make it positive. And use it as a little booster, as a point of reflection. Just as a reminder that maybe you can't do this right now, but you can and have done it in all these moments. You're amazing and it's about time someone let you know.

I'd like to end this with a poem I wrote to help me understand my own struggles with my ED. It's very open and honest and not my usual style of writing, but I was just spilling out emotion at the time and I didn't really feel like editing it much. As you can probably tell, I'm trying my hardest to not be negative about myself and I hope I can convince you to.

**I'm just going to issue a trigger warning, it's quite intense.**
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Indulgence.

I ate too much again.
And again. And again. And again -
But it's better than feeling the pain.
Every time I try to purge, but it doesn't want to come -
Hibernates within my body; a mistake disguised as a blessing:
I'm not fat, but I feel it.
I'm not sane, but I act it.
I'm not human, but I think it.
Feel, act, think - what a way to waste a blink
Of an eye, half-blind -
Think of all the hungry, homeless people
With their large eyes and hollow stares -
What the hell am I doing with this life?
Disgust migrates in, time to starve it all away -

Another way to let the pain stay.

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Well, I hope this post helps someone. Thank you for reading and I hope this inspires you to get creating!

- thefineideayoucrave